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Fiancé Rant! Sorry

November 17th, 2017 at 07:20 pm

Sorry for the long post in advance.

So I'm at work and the fiancé calls, immediately I think, WTH does he want? I know if he's calling it's something. So I answer and he starts, "momma called crying, she doesn't have the money to pay the guys." I sit, I listen and I don't say a word. I let him go on explaining how once again she doesn't have the payroll for the guys, how he hates to see a woman cry.

Meanwhile I'm thinking a woman crying is the least of your worries. How can she call you on payday, after lunch to say she can't make payroll? Did she not know this on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday? Unbelievable, I'm so sick of this crap! I've told him time and time again to take over the business and let the accountant bill his clients. He's so adamant about not "hurting his momma's feelings." I mean get out of here! You won't be able to eat, if you don't hurt her feelings. He tells me he's short $240.

We hang up because there's colleagues in the office. I call back after everyone leaves, and low and behold I open my big mouth, and say I can lend it to you, just let me know. WTH was I thinking? Why? At some point he and his momma need to learn a hard lesson. He tells me he'll let me know. At 4:57 I get a text he needs $400. WTF happened to $240? Now I'm more pissed than ever. Then I'm asked what time will I get there? Um I'm not rushing due to both you and your mother's lack of motivation, responsibilities, and respect for others. I deliberately arrive a hour and a half later. I felt bad because his worker was there waiting.

I realized today, I cannot marry this man. Nice doesn't cut it. A good heart doesn't cut it. Things were fine until we decided to live together. He was always late with his share of the bills, sad thing is I didn't realize the reason being is because his mother won't pay him. It's stressful for me. Always bailing out. I do get my money back however it's annoying.

I have about $9K saved in an account at a credit union about 50 miles away. This is part of the money from dad. I deliberately left the funds there, never got a ATM card, just left it. I signed up for FPU because I wanted to learn how to live off of my earnings, manage my money and make better decisions. That money is for a true emergency, my own emergency not someone else's. I was hoping he would have been onboard with the FPU. I'm so glad I did not co-mingle my funds with him. You all were right, he needs to save his own $1,000 for his emergencies.

We're suppose to take holiday photos, I paid the deposit because he didn't have the money. I am texting the young woman to tell her we will be canceling, getting my money back and apply it to the CC2. Ridiculous!

So the young woman we're donating to. He asked me if we were giving away Thanksgiving meals this year. I say no because it's not in my budget, he tells me how he enjoys it and since we started we should continue. I reluctantly give in.

Long story short I figured we'd spend $20 each to get a total of $40 in food, low and behold I'm sure his mom didn't pay him so he won't have the money now I'm stuck. It's fine because it's for a good cause but I had $35 for an item I didn't purchase, and thought I could pay $15 on CC2, after posting here, a pay $20 towards the food. I guess it was just meant to be to spend the $35. Unbelievable!

So I'm not getting married, goal is to pay down CC debt so that I can find a place just for me. He's never going to change and his mom doesn't care how her not paying him impacts his relationship. Then again why should she? I mean, I'm always bailing them out.

16 Responses to “FiancĂ© Rant! Sorry”

  1. Beawealthywarrior Says:

    Sorry you're dealing with this but I must say that if you guys are not on the same page financially, then this will continue to be a source of stress. You truly need to think and pray on this to make sure you're on one accord. Money problems is one of the main reasons for divore unfortunately. I hope it all works out for the best for you whatever decision you make.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs))

  3. PatientSaver Says:

    First, big hug to you. This would really bother me to, but I'm so glad you can see things for what they are clearly, without the rose-colored glasses. I agree that this sort of thing would just continue on; it's not a good way to manage one's finances and it's so much better not to let your own financial wellbeing be affected.

    His mother's inability to run a business is not his problem, or yours, financially speaking. Geez. Onward and upward!

  4. Stephanie Says:

    So sorry you are going through this. It's best you get this settled before making a lifelong decision.

    ((Hugs)).

  5. Out of the Dark Says:

    Amber...I truly respect your blogging courage. You expose some intimate emotions and scenarios. As a blogging family, we all learn from each other. Again, much respect for you... however, I feel compelled to offer some tough love. First, a rug cannot be walked on unless it lays down on the floor. Second, if others think so little of you that they find it acceptable to stress or hurt you, they are going to continue to walk that path until you, three, push back and give them a reason to stand up and take responsibility for their business, time and money management.

    I hesitate to say this, but, I think it's time to get rid of one more debt. It's not listed in a DR class but it is a debt that will grow, spread fear and worry and ultimately, sink you mentally, physically, emotionality, spiritually and of course, financially.

    Make yourself a priority. Put yourself in the best possible position to grow, live, laugh and love. It may take years, but not only will you be able to celebrate the achievement, but the journey as well. Best to you....OOTD

  6. MonkeyMama Says:

    ((HUGS))

  7. Amber Says:

    Thanks Out of the Dark, you're absolutely correct. Getting rid of certain debt is difficult but needs to be done

  8. DW Says:

    Amber, I’m so sorry for your situation. I think you need to put lock on your money from your fiancé and his mother.
    Because they know the money exists they will nickel and dime it away. Once a wise person told me “never lend more than you can to lose”. Before the next issue, you need to tell the fiancé that you will no longer be contributing to financial shortfalls.. You were sooo smart to put that money away for yourself, out of immediate access. That was genius! Take care of yourself and be strong.

  9. Bluebird Says:

    Amber, you're doing a fabulous job with your finances. Keep it up!!! And you're right, your fiancé has to sink or swim.

  10. ThriftoRama Says:

    Sadly, the reality is, when you marry someone, their problems become your problems. Do you want his problems to become your problems?

  11. crazyliblady Says:

    I am so sorry. He sounds like a good guy, just spineless. I think he needs to get his family life, professional life, and finances straightened out before there is any hope of him having a good relationship with anyone. I am so sorry. {Hugs}

    You are doing great, though! Keep going! Have a happy thanksgiving!

  12. LuckyRobin Says:

    Amber--Do you remember back when you were debating moving in with him and I talked to you about the verse in the Bible about being unequally yoked to a spouse? While it refers to not being of the same faith, it really does apply to everything within a marriage. If you are unequally yoked in finances, it will be as difficult for you as being unequally yoked in faith. The same can be said with views on child-rearing or any other important thing in a marriage. If you can't get on the same page, and he clearly can't, this will dog you your entire life. I was afraid you would end up right here where you are now when you moved in with him. It's a hard lesson to learn, but better to learn it now than after you are legally tied to him.

  13. Amber Says:

    LR I honestly don't remember but I've always thought that "unequally yolked"referred to faith. It totally makes sense. We view things that could break a marriage totally differently. Wow, that was my ah ha moment

  14. snafu Says:

    {{{Hugs}}} I'm so sorry this woman is causing so much grief.

    If I understand correctly, when his mother doesn't meet payroll, her slack by due date, which results in fees and penalties. Those extra costs are often subtracted from groceries and the family...possibly her grandchildren can't get to the food bank without transportation. Landlords can't afford your fiancé's mother either. Running close to the wire, they evict tenants who pay late. An individual can easily find himself homeless without a chance of getting 1st and last month's rent plus damage deposit together when his belongings have already been dumped outside.

    Your fiancé has wonderful Amber to pick up the slack, pay the rent, utilities and put food on the table. Hopefully you'll keep finances separate as explained by many SA respondents and DR's philosophy and methods. Taking a long term pic, someday your brother will be evicted and dad's house will be sold. That sum also needs protection from a potential, future MIL.

  15. snafu Says:

    Amber, so sorry, my snarky laptop sometimes muddles what I write, dropping words, phrases and sentences.

    I was trying to say when people mess up anticipated pay days, there are all kinds of problems. A huge percentage of Americans are merely one pay away from homelessness, according to the research.

  16. snafu Says:

    trying to explain...NO PAY on time as scheduled drills down to staff unable to meet their financial obligations. This women causes problems with potential to ricochet down to cause someone to fail to pay utilities [heat/electric] by due date, which results in fees and penalties. Those extra costs are often subtracted from groceries and the family...possibly her grandchildren can't get to the food bank without transportation. Landlords...

    I wonder if you'd consider reconfiguring your sidebar to reflect accounts from highest sum to lowest sum, easiest to mark to $ 0. as you eliminate balances. Would you find it helpful to include minimum payment in parenthesis of accounts in the line-up so you can see at a glance where the money goes?

    My secret weapon in clearing debt was a flip-chart sized paper taped to the back of the bedrm door. Great satisfaction in coloring in every payment, the thickness of the marker reflected the sum paid. Other than the payment that reflected the minimum sum due, I ignored 'due date' and sent money as available, didn't realize until well into the project that sending in early payments reduced the overall amount of interest charged.

    Kudos to you for keeping calm and moving forward while the rest of us panic. Wishing you well in your job change search

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