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Stay focus, retire at 57!

December 27th, 2017 at 04:21 am

So after the good laugh, things went a little sour, for me anyway.

The SO other bought me some PJs from Victoria Secret, two pairs for about $50 each. Trust me I thought about asking for the receipt and taking those back.

So I showered and put on a pair. He comes out and start rubbing on my back saying things like, "don't that feels good, nice and soft. Should I have gone to Walmart and bought you a cheaper pair? Should I have taken these back?" I immediately began to feel bad. I bought him his PJs, $5 at Penney's for the bottom and $5 for the top at Walmart.

I then said to him, "you don't appreciate anything nor do you understand the struggle. I'm in debt, and I no longer want to be!" This whole thing, really got to me, to the point I had to write in my planner, "let no one make you feel bad enough that you lose focus. Retire at 57!"

I'll be the first to admit, I'm sad, disappointed and a tad bit discouraged. Every year I use credit card to purchase things for him, I honestly didn't want to exchange gifts. I told him that and he insisted. This was the first year I cash flowed Christmas as was feeling great about it and here he comes with the negative vibes. My birthday is next month, I'll let him know not to buy me a thing; however, if he insists I want cash.

Fast forward, we realize that our cameras aren't working. SO other calls a friend who tells us that we have two choices, call Samsung or go o Amazon and buy a box.
Well after the friend leaves, I tell him, I'm not purchasing a thing. I'm still paying on the CC from 2 years ago when I purchased these cameras that he shows every Tom, Dick and Harry when they visit and haven't given me one cent on the purchase. I can guarantee you, he won't replace the box, he's broke from Christmas. I can replace with my buffer funds but won't, I'll be replacing when I move. I wanted to say, those $100 PJs don't look so nice now don they?

7 Responses to “Stay focus, retire at 57!”

  1. Out of the Dark Says:

    Amber, plain and simple, no other way to say it. Your SO is a cancer in your life. He takes, diverts, runs and placates. He is not aligned with you or your goals. He is not willing to open his mind and heart to the things that would bring you two closer together. Rather, he finds you ignorant, silly, superficial and weak. To you, this newfound focus is a means to the goals you have set that will dictate your golden years. To him, it's a game of manipulation. GET OUT! The initial pain will be supplanted with joy and fulfillment you haven't felt in years, if ever! Best.

  2. Bluebird Says:

    I agree with OOTD, I think you should move out immediately. Find a one bedroom apartment like you mentioned and move your belongings by yourself. Don't involve SO in the process. You will feel 100% better and not so discouraged. {{hugs}}

  3. Laura S. Says:

    Amber, my situation was somewhat similar. The more I kept the peace, the more he took advantage and the less he paid toward anything. He drained me financially. Funny thing is, he now stands on his own two feet since we no longer live together. I get along better as friends. I will never take him back in the same household or be a "couple" again though. I know better. Trust me the sooner you move on, the happier you will be. Easier said than done, I know.

  4. creditcardfree Says:

    Yes, stay focused! I think I would return the unworn pair. Yes, ask for receipt. I would also sell the worn, yet cleaned pair, on eBay. I'd take the proceeds and put toward debt. If you really need pj pants, buy them on clearance.

  5. Amber Says:

    Thanks everyone, sorry for the round about but I absolutely hate this relationship

  6. LuckyRobin Says:

    Maybe you could look for a room for rent in someone's home. It would be cheaper than getting a new apartment and you'd be able to save some in rent. A nice older woman, perhaps, who doesn't want to live on her own would be ideal.

  7. rob62521 Says:

    Good idea, LucyRobin! Everyone is giving you excellent advice. If you do not look out for yourself, no one else will. If SO is treating you this way, what is it going to be down the line after a few years?

    When I was in my middle 20s I dated this guy I knew from college. The first few dates he was attentive and nice. After that, he was just cruel, but he claimed he was teasing. We dated for nearly a year and everyone kept saying they knew he was the one for me because he acted so nice in front of everyone. I was teaching full time. He was working at a great job at a power plant 2 hours away. We would visit on weekends. One weekend I was sick with the stomach flu. I asked him not to come down so I could get better. He not only came down, he wanted to run and shop and do this and that. I felt like crap. I wanted tor rest and get better so I could go into work on Monday feeling rested. Instead he pushed me to go and do stuff and I felt worse. He wasn't caring and compassionate. Other things started popping up. At that point I was saving like a mad woman. I lived with my parents and I paid some of the bills and gave them money for things instead of rent. I had a healthy savings account, but had never said anything to him about it. When he visited, he slept in my room and I slept on the day bed in the living room. One morning it sounded like someone was opening dresser drawers, but I thought maybe I was imagining things. A few days later after he returned home he mentioned that with my savings we could really have a good down payment on a house and suggested we build it on my parent's property (they had over 2 acres at this point.) I never told him about the savings. In private he treated me poorly. He was overweight, but each time he would see me he would suggest how I needed to lose weight. Granted, I did, but he wasn't exactly Mr. Healthy himself. When he came to visit, all he wanted to do was shop and eat out. His shopping was for him and we paid for our own meals. He made far more money than I did. He also lived with his parents and one weekend I went up to visit. His own parents were shocked that he announced he was going out and left me with them! Anyway, there's so much more, but suffice it to say, I realized he was using me and basically mistreating me mentally. The last time he came to visit, by Sunday, I had had enough. I told him it was time for him to go home and I thought we should break up. I came to the realization that I was a strong woman and didn't "need" a man to live. I had a good job. I could live at home if I needed to as long as I needed to so I could save money. I had friends. I was involved in church. Yes, it hurt and this guy's mom called and begged me to get back together. His mom! Looking back, I kind of wonder if they figured I would take care of him. He had no savings. His financial ideas were totally different than mine. I wasn't as good with money as I am now, but even then I knew you didn't spend every penny you make. Over 30 years later, I can tell you it was difficult decision, but one of the wisest I ever made. I met the man I would marry less than a year later. We dated for quite awhile and I was smarter because I knew more from the experience. DH is a kind man; he loves me for who I am. I never felt like I wasn't good enough. He wasn't mentally cruel to me. We've been married over 27 years and financially, we have worked together. It was lean the first few years. Neither of us made a lot of money. And we bought some things we shouldn't have. But, we grew together and now I feel like we are financial stable and we are content; safe in our love for each other and we build up each other.

    I'm a little late to this post, but my heart goes out to you, Amber.

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