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Never lend money

December 10th, 2017 at 03:32 am

Though I have a nice chunk a change set aside, I really want to take what's in the EF and pay off CC3. The money that I have is not what I actually earned but was given to me. I'm just sick of debt.

My reason behind not doing so is that I want to do this on my own, I feel like if I take the easy route then I haven't learned my lesson. I want to know what's like to hustle and bustle, feel the pain and yet say I did it!

I asked the SO for my money ($400) he says, "I only have half and I like to give people their money the way they gave it to me." I'm like what! 😡. He goes out and buys Christmas decorations for his mother for $300. I don't know why but I just froze, I could not bring myself to say a word. If you'd taken the $300 and add half of what you owe me you'd would have cleared your debt. I'm like WTF (sorry).

I can and will say this, this relationship is over. I'm only hear until I pay off two CCs and/or if the house sells, which ever comes first.

My father use to say, "Americans will go with out paying their rent, light or water bill to ensure that their kids have a good Christmas." And though I was born here, and I love this country, I have witnessed first hand this rubbish. I may not saved in the past like I should, but I sure as heck paid my bills and whom ever I owed.

Dad always said, a best time to pay a man is when you have the money .

Moral of the story the story is do not lend money, you'll become frustrated when you witness foolish spending and the person owes you. Only give what you can afford.

Growing and learning process, but I surely see.

8 Responses to “Never lend money ”

  1. Out of the Dark Says:

    Amber, I am not going to address the SO. No "man" would ever put anything other than his faith, health or safety of his family ahead of any financial responsibilities. Period.

    However, you first two paragraphs deserve one thought I ironically just studied this past Friday and Saturday (personal reading/reflection). Question: Why does God allow for sin, death, illness, destruction, tragedy, etc.? Answer: Because only through suffering and loss and pain and facing these horrible situations do we turn our focus to Him, giving ourselves up to His Will and embracing the free will He has given us.

    Your focus on facing this challenge and life change head on, suffering through the struggle of clearing your debt will give you more strength than simply moving money from one account to another without any thought. Kudos to you!

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    I think you are right not to dip into the estate money for debt pay off. Although, as more time goes by and you make a lot of progress on your own, I personally wouldn't harp on you for using some of that money.

    As Dave says, lending money changes the relationship. Your SO is not on the same page of understanding that you are about debt.

  3. Myfinancekits Says:

    That has been one of my guiding principles too. I would rather give the amount I can afford as cash gifts than lending you money which you may not pay back. Lending can even strain relationship. It is better to say "No" once so that you can maintain a lifetime good relationship.

  4. LuckyRobin Says:

    He wants to pay it back in the same amount he borrowed it? That's stupid. I'd tell him to give me the half he has now and get the rest to you as soon as possible. And no more lending to him no matter what the sob story.

  5. DW Says:

    This is the last time I will say anything about fiancé/SO.
    This is the same man that owes you money but still wanted to take a trip.
    I don’t think he is going to pay you back unless you keep after him.
    You can’t change a person , they have to want change for themselves.
    In a few days, he will do something to get back into your good graces.
    And the cycle will repeat itself.
    The cycle will end when you start referencing him as “roommate”

  6. crazyliblady Says:

    I totally agree with DW and add that this is also the same man who bought Christmas decorations rather than pay his debts or other bills. I think this boils down to a behavior issue and ethics. If he really wanted to get his finances straight, he would talk to you about not doing gifts, etc. this year in order to pay off debt. I think he would also get a different job no matter what his mother thinks. I am so sorry this is happening to you.

  7. My English Castle Says:

    Oh Amber, what a situation. As we all know, money is one of the main causes of trouble in a relationship. It's important to be with someone who is part of your team.

  8. Amber Says:

    Yep DW you're right, I'm just counting down the days. He went from boyfriend to SO and now roommate

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