As you all know so much is happening in August:
-$20k pay increase
I am so excited because its a few months away but I do not know how much longer I can deal with the BF.
Every month he is short, I'm sick of walking on egg shells because every Christ thing reminds him of his dad. I'm sorry he lost his dad, but it doesn't mean that I should be tip toeing around feelings every day.
For example today is Mother's Day; I too have a mom (not the best relationship) but I'd like to run by her house and not spend hours at his mom's. Also, ripping the house apart at 11pm at night looking for a pair of shoes that you already have another pair exactly like but refuse to wear because you wore them to your dad's funeral and getting upset because I asked the question why not just wear those is absolutely ridiculous just like burying the $100.
I'm just simply trying to make sure that the CC debt I have is paid off as much as possible and my raise kicks in before I move
Viewing the 'Family/Friends' Category
As you all know so much is happening in August:
Okay my BF who is always short on his portion of the bills ( and I have advised I'm moving) says to me the other day that his mom offered to pay his cell phone bill, since he is helping her with his dad's business. Well he told her he didn't need the help. I sort of understand because she is still grieving and he doesn't want to take advantage of her but he is running the business and need the money. I think once he gets situated he could stop taking the funds.
Now fast forward his mom cuts the payroll for the week and added an extra $100 with a note that said thank you. He said he attempted to speak to her and she started to cry so he didn't continue the conversation and kept the money.
Now here is the kicker, he owes as of the first over $1000, $475 of that is the balance forward from last month. But he decides that he is going to bury the $100 on his dad's grave. WTH! Are you serious? I'd rather he give the money back to his mom. I couldn't believe it. It took everything in me to keep my mouth shut. This is ridiculous especially when you're always short. I in so many words reminded him that he had a ton of bills due. This crazy
I just received the word that my friend lost her job yesterday. Apparently after three months she has not been grasping things. She admits that it was way too much and that the Agency took a chance hiring her with no experience. She said that they asked her if she wanted to finish out the month or the end of the week, I thought that was nice. She will finish out the week.
It saddens me when anyone loses their job, no matter what the reason. It really hurts.
Well I have decided that after graduation, I'll be moving. The BF has way too many other obligations that I simply can not handle.
First of the month rolls around and he is short again. In the year that we have been living together he has only pulled his fair share twice. Don't get me wrong, he is super sweet but being financially responsible is not his forte.
For example, we decided early on for my birthday we were heading to Arkansas, I asked him what did he want to pay for? Either the hotel or car, he chose the car. The rental totaled $287 and of course I was stuck paying for the car and the hotel. Yes I wanted to go away and would have planned something else if he couldn't afford it, and I asked several times.
The cable bill is due and of course he does not have his half, but I paid mine and that's it. I can do with tv, the cable is in his name.
I've said to him time and time again that he needed to set a budget, keep track of his spending for one month that way he could see where his money is going. His money is going to the kids because he can't say no.
I know it's hard, I recognize that. I too am working on some financial mishaps but at least I'm trying and making progress mind you.
Oh well it's too bad. On a different note I have been keeping up with the 52 week challenge I'm actually ahead of the game.
I've also been paying down CC 4, I got it down from 1500 to 1385 by simply paying $2 here and there for the month of January.
I'm still waiting to hear from my employer regarding the $800 tuition reimbursement that I submitted in December. It's either yes or no, why its taking so long? It's a long story I'll have to share later, but lets just say a little over a year ago I had to hire an attorney and I personally do not think the CEO has moved on. That sucks
Right now I have an extra $300 just sitting in my ING account and I'm debating on if I should use the money to pay down cc4. A part of me says yes another says wait and sock away a little more but in the meantime I'm earning little interest while paying a lot more on the CC
I really think my BF and his family needs some bereavement counseling.
I know it's tough, but at some point life has to return to normalcy.
The mother can't be left alone because they all fear she is going to break down, personally I would think that would be a good thing being that she hasn't cried yet.
I've stop going to the house, because everyone is sitting there talking ever so often, with the tv on watching them, while playing with their tablet or smartphone. I find this very depressing.
He leaves here at 7 in the morning and is not back until almost midnight.
The funeral home is constantly sending something, because they are friends of the family but I find it creepy.
Just my thoughts and I'm aware that everyone handle things differently but ones life can't stop because someone else's did. You have to try to do things as if you normally would
Well I had the conversation with the BF and explained that all bills are due on the 1st therefore I need the money by the 25th of every month.
I told him he needed to get on a budget and for the first month or so it would be hard. I also gave him the total of what to expect each month and suggested he should put X amount of dollars away each week.
I can only make the suggestions but I'm sticking to my guns, this is a new year and I have a goal to meet, in addition I can't let him hold me back.
Glad we had the talk, we'll I did, he really didn't say much
On a different note, my sister called to borrow money. She hasn't did that in a while. I gave her the $20 that I've had in my purse for a week. The reason I said gave is because I'd be surprised if she paid me back. Don't lend money you can't afford to lose. Apparently she called my mom and she said no.
As you all know next month would have been a year that I have spoken to my mother and to be honest I'm somewhat okay with it. But lately she has been calling. Once for Christmas dinner and today for me to take care of some things. She has yet to apologize, and honestly I don't think we wil ever have a good relationship but at this point it is what it is. I will say this I have plans of being best buds.
Well that's it in a nut shell, my next post will be about money and today's totals.
Went to visit my dad and my brother gave me $20.00
I simply added it to my challenge. This was a really nice surprise.
Well I'm bringing in the new year alone , the BF decided he did not want to leave his mother alone. I think I'm being selfish but it's almost a month since his dad has died and he has spent all his time with his mother, so much that I asked him if he'd like to move in with her.
Even his other siblings has gone about their day to day activities.
I am aware that things change when death knocks but , don't forget I'm here too.
Just needed to vent a little.
Have s happy and safe new year's.
Well I plan on having a heart to heart with the BF. He has to do better financially. He spends money foolishly and now he is short $400 for this month's up coming bills.
The day after Christmas he took his entire family to breakfasts and spent $200 because that's what his dad use to do and he feels responsible to take care of the family. That's fine so long as you can afford it but you can't. I know he is grieving but he has to think rationally.
Next he finds out his 16 year old daughter is pregnant and I have made it clear she cannot live with us. Now if he wants to move out and help raise his grandchild that is fine with me because I'm not going to foot that bill.
This year is ending on a sour note. My BF losses his dad last night and it was unexpected.
Please keep him and the family in your prayers
Made it to the gym, so I'm adding $2 to the Challenge.
Also bought dinner, $18 so I added another $18 to the challenge.
Grand total $20 plus $4 from earlier was $24 added to my challenge, all of which was paid on CC2.
Bad news BF just said to me he will need for me to pay rent this month coming, I am not a happy camper about this.
He really needs to get his crap together. I know I've complained and some will say leave or shut up but like anything else it's hard but I'm really considering moving into my own place vs. renewing the lease in February.
Last night the BF and I had a date night, we really needed it. Dinner, my treat, was just a little over $30 and the movie, his treat, was $14 plus $3 for popcorn. I brought in my own drink. We saw "Lincoln" and I enjoyed it.
On a different note, he has managed to get himself screwed up again with his child support. I have told him time and time again to simply send an extra $100 a month to catch up but for some reason he won't. However, he can give his kids what ever they want (i.e. laptop, new cell).
I think it's hard for me to understand being that I don't have children but I believe it's okay to say no, especially when it's not a must.
So with that said, I'm back saving, paying down debt, and focusing on grad school.
I'm not sure what God has planned but I'm sure it's for the best.
Now I'm heading to the gym (3xs this weekend) and adding another $2 to the $20 Challenge (CC1 debt). So far this weekend I have paid an extra $6 on the CC. I figured, on average I should be adding an extra $10 a week that equals an extra $40 a month paid on the CC by simply going to the gym. Works for me
Day 2 and once again I had breakfast at home, packed my lunch and had dinner at home
So I have added $6 to the challenge ($3 for the EF and $3 on CC1).
On different note, I just received a call from one of the girls who is in my friend's wedding with me asking for $25
I have never been in a wedding where the bridal party pays for a bridal shower. All I can say is I can't wait until this wedding is over.
In hopes of landing a better job, I went back to school and obtain my bachelors; unfortunately, like so many college grads I did not obtain a better job. However, I have recently surrounded myself with what I would call experienced professionals, who are now my mentors (shhhh they don't know it). Lol
It's funny, when I was a kid one of my teachers always said surround yourself with the smart kids and you will want to be better. Guess what as an adult, I have and I think I'm doing better as it pertains to my career.
Training classes offered free by my job, I would turn my nose up at. But as I realize the more you know the more marketable you are, plus the classes are free. So I have signed up for an excel course, HR course, grant writing as well as leadership course.
I have also joined a book club, I am the youngest, with woman who are 60+ all whom are former educators, doctors, lobbyist, nurses etc. I must say I have learned a lot
In addition, I've joined some professional groups. For example, the Black Republican Caucus, which I am executive board member, the ACLU in which I will be trained on rights restoration on Wednesday, and I am a board member of my local city's Community Relations Board. So professionally I think things are looking up
With all that said, I decided to apply for grad school seeking a masters in human resource. Keep your fingers crossed
On a different note, I have punched the numbers and it seems at though the BF is short monthly about $150. The month isn't over yet but I think I'm pretty close. So we will be having a discussion. I think versus him giving me money every other week he should hold on to it until the bill comes and we split it.
That's it in a nut shell.
I have never wanted children, and to be honest 38 years later I still don't. Having a kid in the house is driving me nuts. I really don't know how much longer I can do it.
SD has very bad hygiene problem that is driving me nuts. I feel like at 17 she doesn't need anyone to tell her to change your underwear, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes etc etc
I'm thinking WTH did your mother teach you or is this why your mother is so disgusted?
Last month she had dirty clothes mixed in with clean cloths and shoes in the bottom bathroom drawer that smelled like a dead body decaying. So I make her take her cloths out and tell her no cloths or anything in that bottom drawer. What do I see in there last night? Yep clothes again! I tell her take those clothes from our of that bottom drawer, she ask me why. Now I'm annoyed that she ask why but I respond simply, you are irresponsible and if I see anything in that bottom drawer it's going in the garbage.
Next she loses her cell phone charger, calls me to ask me if I have it, really? Long story short I don't have it. She as can she borrow mine, my response "No you need to learn to keep up with your things you may place your phone on my charger but you may not remove my charger"
Now this morning she decided I want my phone never mind if I am getting dressed and not properly ready to be seen to the world and barges in. Well Tuesday when she returns a conversation will be had, when that room door is closed you do not barge in.
Ughhh. Yes my mom and I do not get along but thank God she taught me about cleanliness.
Is someone who attempts to count my money. I'm home practicing using Excel and my BF comes home and says, " I don't have any money you need to take her(his daughter) to get some tights tomorrow, I'll give it back to you"
First of all don't tell me what I need to do, second of all I don't jump when a kid says they need something at the last minute, and lastly what makes you think I have money.
I was so annoyed I could scream but you better believe he is going to hear about once I calm down.
Rude just rude. I am so annoyed I can scream.
I'm not sure but I'll know after I balance all the accounts the end of the month, but it seems like I am getting the short end of the stick.
Seems like I am spending more money than the BF on the home. We agreed that we would split everything but for some reason I don't think he is giving me enough or maybe I am spending too much.
The month ends pretty much on Friday for me, I'll pay out all bills and would receive my last check. He gave me $200 but I still think something is wrong. We will see
On a different note his daughter is driving me crazy, she is 17 and yet has a mind of a 8 year old. For starters she will not clean up behind herself, which drives me nuts, since I am a neat freak. She is scared to sleep in the dark, so all the lights are on as well as the tv, and she is afraid to stay home by herself. Ridiculous!
We will definitely sit down and talk things out after I review the books
My Neice has been calling giving me an upto date account on my mother's health, not that I care to know, but wish her the best. Anyhow she says she'll keep calling until I speak to my mom, which I do not plan on doing. I advised her not to waste her time.
She says she knows my mom wants to speak to me because she'll say things like " I would ask Amber but she's not talking to me". I simply remind my Neice she is the one who said "Not to talk to her as long as I'm living" and to my knowledge I'm still living.
On a different note I gave my sister $10 last week, she has harassed me every other week for money and no matter how many times or different ways I have said I don't have it, she still calls and harasses me. Ugh!
Now onto me, my dad gave me $50 yesterday so I added this amount to my EF /Challenge. My boss has not signed off on my request for mileage, so my car isn't paid off yet
Next we went looking for beds because the one given to us has caused me some serious medical conditions. It's in pretty good shape, my bf finds its okay, I want to sell it on Craigslist and use the money towards the new mattress, but the BF wants to give it away.
At the cost of mattresses I think his idea is crazy, yes it was given to us but we really can't afford $900+ for a mattress.
Car payments and I am done! Thank God! I cannot wait until May when I send off my final car payment. The goal is to continue to put aside the money I was paying on my car, well at least a portion of it. I plan on paying down some debt as well.
On the home front, things seem to be going pretty well, no complaints.
My dad offered my someone money to buy the place that I am in, but I really don't plan on doing so until the end of the year but it's great to know he is supportive. My mother would never offer
In the end, things seem thus far to be moving along very well
Back to normalcy. I have been in a lot of pain since the move, back problems.
I believe I have strain/sprain my lower back. The doctor advised that I use heat and I know better from working at the clinic, but I did so and I think it made things worst So I have decided to ice and am feeling much better than yesterday.
On a different note I used 2 coupon for Tide today saving me $2 so I added this amount to my $20 Challenge
My friend came into some extra money and her house warming gift to us to to take us grocery shopping tomorrow this will save $60--good friend
In the end that's it for now, I will go ice
$67.69 is what I had left in my checking account before payday today so I added this amount to my challenge/EF; I can't wait to hit the $2000 goal, only a $100 away.
In other news, I'm loving the new place and at the same time not even remotely missing my mother. I am so thankful for being out of such a toxic environment.
It's only been a few days since I receieved notice of my GC being mailed but I'm still anxious.
Today is payday and I am hoping I'll have my mileage reimbursement check as well so that I can get an oil change.
That's it so far.
It's been about two weeks, and I am loving the new place. It's funny because I hardly ever think about my mom, but I will say this, when it comes to cleanliness, we are just alike.
Other than my BF daughter, things seems to be going well. I'm definitely going to have to work with her and her cleaning habits
I've still kept track of my spending but haven't really been able to sock away anything. When I get my mileage check, I'll add the $114 to the EF
Oh, I almost forgot, I really need to set up a grocery budget, things are getting out of hand. I find myself at the store every week and I really want to go twice a month ( each pay period). So we'll see
Okay we have moved in, whew! I'm actually loving the place. However, the BF gave me his portion of the rent and he is short $50. All I can do is shake my head.
I haven't said anything but I do know that if this happens next month, there is going to be a problem.
He is currently waiting on $350 from a job he did which he should collect next week and I should have my $50
But moving right along, I was able to sock away $200 to my EF to cover my portion of next month's rent. Also I'm waiting on a $140 check for my mileage reimbursement for February, which means once received I'll pretty much have my portion of the April rent, with out touching my EF.
Also if things go well, I should be able to sock away an additional $200 to my EF by March 15th
Just a few more items and I am done. Came home today and my mother being the lovely woman (scarcasim) she is had some of my things on my bed that was in the storage room.
But the funny thing is she only gave me my items that she doesn't use. For example, my craft stuff but she kept the crockpot.
I know two wrongs don't make a right but I was so pissed that the items that I knew she uses and I was going to leave, I loaded into my car. For example, my crockpot, the cooler. The other stuff I trashed.
I can't understand for the life of me what is wrong with her and unfortunately I recognize the signs in myself as well. There is this mean, selfish spirit and I pray I do not turn into that person she is.
It's one of the reasons I do not have kids, I don't want to be mean and hateful.
My BF said to me, when I was telling him about all this nonsense is that he realizes that my mother pushes people away. I thought hmmm, yes she does and because no one says anything she thinks it's okay, but it's hurtful
In the end, the end is almost here. For hers and my sake I hope both of us can move on without regrets.
Whoooo I sympathize with anyone who moves, it is a lot of work. I woke up this morning and said I was taking my shoes and most of my clothes to the new place.
I notice that the minute I came out of my room with boxes, my mother who was talking to my uncle, stop dead in her tracks. But I didn't say anything I just kept loading my car up.
Next the BF came by and he had a newspaper but she, my mother, refuse to look at it because she feels like, I think, I'm going to be mad. All I can say is oh boy. I think she thinks I am hiding the paper because last week she did not get it but actually we bought one, never read it and have been driving around with it in my car all week. My mind has been on a number of things (i.e. work, the move, saving money, 2nd job)
Anyhow now I'm ready to leave with my things and when I go outside my mother is sitting in her car with the radio blasting, crying. I did not say one word I got in my car, went to my new place, unpacked came back home, washed a few load and washed my hair.
Now I don't know if she is sad about me moving, mind you she told me to get the $@) out!, sad about something else, in pain or what because her last words to me were "Don't say anything to me, as long as you live don't say anything to me and when you get back, get the ($@;: out my house!" But I am doing just that.
Unfortunately I have a lot of hate for my mother and I'm glad I'm able to admit to that, I think it's part of the healing process but I do think I need a little bit of therapy and plan on seeking a therapist once I move. There a lot of things I'm willing to admit and I think it's making me better
Okay I was a little nervous about withdrawing the $950 for the deposit on the new place, I really didn't want to empty my EF that I worked so hard to build up since November. Actually I was trying to wait closer to the date to move in and when my tax return was to be deposited but I said to Hell with it and took the money out .
I'm glad I did, for one my landlord/friend was really happy. Two, I got my keys early so I'm able to clean the place and clean out my storage early. Lastly, I was able to talk to my friend about keeping the electric and water in her name that way I wouldn't have to pay a deposit.
The reason why I said God works in mysterious ways is that, I receieved my mileage check today ($290) and deposited it right into my savings. Usually it takes close to two weeks for me to receive my check but this time just a few days so rather than my EF being more than less than half of what I started with this year its about half that amount and once my tax return is deposited I will be a little bit over than what I started with.
Unfortunately it will take me a little longer to pay off CC1 but that's okay
On a different note my crazy mother had my sister to call me to ask if I paid the electric and water bill. My sister was like "y'all need to stop that" I said to her she needs to stop because I'm in the next room from my mother and she is the idiot for making the phone call.
Thank God I'm getting from out of here
To move that is. My mother is an evil and spiteful woman. She walks around the table so she doesn't pass me by or she'll hold onto her dress so that the tail of it doesn't accidentally hit me. For real? She is really a sick woman
Then my sister comes by and ask me again for money, really? What has changed since Saturday to Tuesday? Nothing! I'm sorry I do not have any money that I can afford to lose at this time. I think she asked again because my BF was there and probably was hoping he would have provided it to her but we have had a discussion about him spending money foolishly.
On a different note I think my BF will have the new job, the gentle who he spoke with wife called back and asked for a written estimate. Roughly the job will be about $1775, with $700 of it being our take home pay perfect for the move. Oh BF does landscaping.
Today I added $3 to my Challenge/EF and another $3 was paid on CC1 brining that total down to $144.35. I can't wait until this is paid off.
Just hit the send button for my taxes which will be received in perfect time. The money I socked away for a rainy day will be used towards moving but yet replaced with my taxes. I felt sad that I'll be spending the money towards moving but happy it will be replaced.
Please say a prayer and keep your fingers crossed, BF did an estimate for a job of about $2000, the gentleman stated he needed to discuss it with his wife. I figured if he got the money we could pay the rent up for two months.
Now I'm just in wait mode.
Everyone knows I'm in the process of moving and yet it seems like they just don't care. My sister was given $5 a few weeks ago, she asked for more and now today she calls me up for $20. I can't afford to spend any money foolishly, yes I have $20 but I can't afford to lend it to you and not get it back. She is known for borrowing money and not paying you back, and with about a month left before I move I can't afford to give her $20. So my response was no.
Next my nephew who damaged my dad's door and window was arrested today. Why? Well he decided to beat up his pregnant girl friend. I hope they throw the book at him. He is suppose to go to court tomorrow and I'm sure my sister will make her way down there (the courthouse). The girl friend told my sister he called her asking her to come to court. She would be one IDIOT if she goes to that courthouse but to each it's own.
On a financial point of view, I slipped a little bit. I went out a few times for breakfast but I'm back to business today. I must say I have been tempted to spend money on clothing but have resisted.
Okay I received a call from the HOA to come in for an interview on Monday, I have my fingers crossed but I am still very nervous. See change scares me; eventhough, I have lived on my own in the past and did very well, I'm still nervous.
Next, I went ahead and paid $100 on CC1, I was a little nervous because I really don't want to spend any money since I plan on moving. I know it sounds crazy, I'd rather have no debt, or less debt when I move but I'm still nervous about it. The funds spent came from a personal account which I use for things like my hair, nails etc. so I pretty much cleaned that account out. I still have $ in the EF but that will decrease once I move as well. On a good note, I now have $144 left to go on CC1 before I can tackle CC2.
Moving right along, as I was at my dad's yesterday, my BF stopped by the house and my mother gave him the "low down" per se on why we're not speaking. He says the story she gave was pretty much the same as I told him; however, what annoyed me is he told her about the interview I had coming. I know it's silly but I'd prefer she knows absolutely nothing about me. She told him she wanted her house key, which hurt a little but at the end of the day is fine with me. I guess she doesn't trust me. If that's the case when her cd becomes due this month, she can have it, I'm done paying the taxes on it.
Now onto to my dad, I received a call from my brother who rents the efficiency my dad has to say that my nephew (my sister's) child had just broken his window out and the door. You see this kid is bad news, my sister has allowed him to be rude and disrespectful, and now at 27 he is out of control. Long story short, I'm not in jail because if he had hurt my dad I know I would have been, dad decided not to have him arrested and my brother fixed the window and door temporarily.
My mom always says or implies that I treat my dad better than her, but here is why I love my dad.
I am not saying he is the best but, I do know he loves us:
- My dad will defend us to the end, not mom
- My dad will provide for us monetarily if need be, not my mom
- My dad always says, "I love you" my mom has told me this once in my 38 years here on this earth and when she did so it just didn't sound sincere.
Today my dad gave me $20, which I am so glad he did, I spent $20 at the gas station, so this is like a blessing to have the $20 spent earlier pretty much given back to me. But what really made me smile was when I said to him "Keep it I might need it later" he said "No take it" I said "Why are you giving me $20?" he said "Because I love you"
Those simply three words makes a world of difference, I strongly recommend that parents use it as much as possible.
My mom is so caught up in "I did this for you, you treat you dad better" that she misses out on what's important, like showing love. Yes you provided food, shelter, clothing etc. but what are those things if a person doesn't feel love?
On a different note I added the $20 to my EF, tomorrow I meet with the HOA of the new place that I'm moving into
Things seem to be moving into the right direction
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