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Trying to understand

January 6th, 2013 at 04:36 am

I really think my BF and his family needs some bereavement counseling.

I know it's tough, but at some point life has to return to normalcy.
The mother can't be left alone because they all fear she is going to break down, personally I would think that would be a good thing being that she hasn't cried yet.

I've stop going to the house, because everyone is sitting there talking ever so often, with the tv on watching them, while playing with their tablet or smartphone. I find this very depressing.

He leaves here at 7 in the morning and is not back until almost midnight.

The funeral home is constantly sending something, because they are friends of the family but I find it creepy.

Just my thoughts and I'm aware that everyone handle things differently but ones life can't stop because someone else's did. You have to try to do things as if you normally would

10 Responses to “Trying to understand”

  1. scfr Says:

    Yes, everyone handles things differently and it may take them a couple years to really "feel" normal, but as you said getting back to the normal routine can be very good. It lets them know "I can still do this ... I'm going to be OK."

    To me it sounds like getting out and doing something physical would be good for everyone. Any chance you could invite them to go outside for a nice walk? If not that, is there some other physical activity they enjoy as a family? Gardening? Bowling?

  2. veronak Says:

    I've tried and the answer is always no. Sad

  3. PatientSaver Says:

    It's only been 3 weeks since his father died. I don't think you can rush these things.

  4. veronak Says:

    True you're right, I just think sitting in the home letting the tv watch you is not a good thing. I really think counseling would not hurt, they'll provide coping mechanism to get through this. I know he'll never get over it but I'd like to see him be able to deal with it.

  5. Thrifty Ray Says:

    If it has only been three weeks, this is not uncommon. Their world has completely changed and they have to learn what life means without someone who meant a great deal to them. They are only beginning the grief process. Be patient, allow them space to deal with this their way. Eventually they may need grief counseling-but until they are ready, nudging them that direction probably wont be accepted well. Frown
    Hang in there Amber- eventually, people come to terms with their loss- but as you said, it is at their own time.

  6. monkeymama Says:

    I think it is very very early and I would just give them all some space.

  7. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    It can take a year to get over it. And the one year anniversary can be really bad.

  8. veronak Says:

    Thanks everyone your thought and opinions are greatly appreciated and I am listening to you all

  9. creditcardfree Says:

    I'm sure it is hard to watch, and as one who wasn't as close to the deceased, it can look even more sad. Keep trying to engage when you feel like it. Provide hugs, kind words, good memories of the deceased and offers to go somewhere, but don't push. And it is okay to keep your distance if the time spent with them is hurting you.

  10. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    Not sure if this helps but I'm guessing that BF has had 30ish years with his Dad and only 3,4, or 5 years with you. I just wanted to make thing a little clearer for you. He will revert to his child like behavior for a while. Death of a parent is really bizarre for children. And your BF will feel like he has to fill the roll of his Dad. And I'd go to the house as often as I could to support BF even if you don't know why he needs you and why they are all pretending to be "normal". It's ok for you to say you don't understand. I suspect that BF will appreciate your support and honesty.

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