My mom always says or implies that I treat my dad better than her, but here is why I love my dad.
I am not saying he is the best but, I do know he loves us:
- My dad will defend us to the end, not mom
- My dad will provide for us monetarily if need be, not my mom
- My dad always says, "I love you" my mom has told me this once in my 38 years here on this earth and when she did so it just didn't sound sincere.
Today my dad gave me $20, which I am so glad he did, I spent $20 at the gas station, so this is like a blessing to have the $20 spent earlier pretty much given back to me. But what really made me smile was when I said to him "Keep it I might need it later" he said "No take it" I said "Why are you giving me $20?" he said "Because I love you"
Those simply three words makes a world of difference, I strongly recommend that parents use it as much as possible.
My mom is so caught up in "I did this for you, you treat you dad better" that she misses out on what's important, like showing love. Yes you provided food, shelter, clothing etc. but what are those things if a person doesn't feel love?
On a different note I added the $20 to my EF, tomorrow I meet with the HOA of the new place that I'm moving into
Things seem to be moving into the right direction
Archive for January, 2012
My mom always says or implies that I treat my dad better than her, but here is why I love my dad.
Im waiting on the 1099 INT documents from the banks. I don't think I earned over $600 interest, actually I'm almost positive but I'd rather be safe than sorry. The problem is my brother has an account in my name because he is considering filing for bankruptcy and my mother has a cd in my name as well. Both have a nice chunk of change in them but I don't think it's enough that requires me to file with my taxes.
So before I hit the send button, I'll wait.
On a different note I have racked up about $240 in mileage for the month of January, as soon as this check is received I will pay off CC1 and then start on number 2. The good thing is I think by my next pay period I will have about $200 left over and that's going into my savings
Some people are just plain crazy. I keep my keys on the sofa table so my mother places a stamped envelope under my keys. Usually when she does this its because she wants me to mail it. So me not being selfish mail the envelope. Now we live in the same home but she calls my sister to ask her to call me, to ask me if I mailed the envelope. All I can do is shake my head, because my sister should have said no and that she was not calling me and if I was thinking I would not have answered the question.
I can't wait to get out of this house
I wish there was an app for SA. Please forgive me, I'm using my phone and will probably have a ton of grammatical errors
Long story short, I love my job but I need to make more money. Spoke with my boss who stated that our grant has money that is slated for salary increases; however, she really has no control over her budget, which by the way is the reason the other supervisor quit. Actually, we have enough money to start every one off between 40k-45k and still be able to provide raises. But the Agency starts us off between 30-33k. Last year I had to hire an attorney in order to receive my salary increase. That is a long story that I will have to explain another time, just know that my former boss provided me some info, she probably could have lost her job but i received my salary increase.
Further more, I explained to my new boss that we are taking on additional responsibilities with no salary increase, another reason why one of the coordinators left. So basically with in 1 year we lost one coordinator and one project director.
In the end, I just sent my resume off for two positions. One similar to what I'm doing and the other is a little different.
Basically I can say this, it's not really the raise I'm concerned about, it's the misuse of federal dollars that I'm more concerned about.
Looks like I will have CC1 paid off before February BF provided me the $200 for the rental from our trip, so I deposited the money and made a payment to CC1. New total $252. Today I received my second Aflac check for $75, I'll mail it off to the credit union and pay $75 on the cc.
Moving along, looks like I'll be getting about a $1300 tax refund which sucks because that means I brought home less money for the year but the bright side is, it will replace the $950 its going to cost me to move.
I am a big believer that things happen for a reason. Last year around November, I got the urge to blog and save money. When I look back on it, the money saved is just enough for me to move.
In addition, I spoke with an old friend in November and advised her if her place was still available I would be interested in renting it. She's been wanting me to rent it for awhile and guess what, it's available and she will allow me to rent it, all furnished. Ironically this is the month my mother told me "To get the F$@% out!"
Further more, the money I will take to move, will pretty much be replaced when my taxes are complete this week.
I know there are some who do not believe in God, but I do and I believe that He advised me save, reconnect to my friend and file my taxes after cleaning out my savings, as well as starting my blog back up- you guys/gals have been so helpful in so many ways
Just talking about my family without any shame has allowed me to breathe again.
So yes, things do happen for a reason.
I went to the doctor's last week and my blood pressure was a little high. However, for the last few days I have had such a headache and I know it's from the stress of living in this house with my mother, the stress of moving all coupled with the unknown.
So I'm sitting in my room and my uncle,who lives with us, motioned for me to come and talk to him. So I go into his room and he ask me what happened between my mother and I. So I tell him the story, explain I found a place and would be moving. He basically sits there like he can't believe it and shakes his head. Just talking about it gets me all emotional so I start crying, head back to my room to finish polishing my toes.
Next I get a call from my brother to ask me what happened and then he tells me I should apologize. My response is for what? So I tell him what happen and how negative and unsupportive she is, he says he knows and I should just ignore it because I know how old folks are. Then he tells me that my mother says that I yell at her and that he has seen it. I say to him, how does she speaks to me? I only give her what she gives me. His response well just apologize because you know how she is. I'm tired of everyone justifying her behavior and allowing it to continue because "That's how she is." When she was explaining to him her side, and he heard my side of the story he should have said to both of us that "we" should apologize.
As I told him, I'm giving her what she asked for which is not talking to her as long as I live and moving out on March 1
Just wanted to say thank you to MonkeyMoma who helped me out when I had no clue on what I was doing when it came to my W2 I really appreciate your help...hugs
Looked at my W2 and it's matched up with my pay stub, I'm short about $1000 for the year. Now I'm going to the account department but was wondering how can I calculate to make sure the correct amount is being received and deducted?
Whew within two days I received two checks, $10 from Macy's and $60 from Aflac. Also BF provided me the $200 for the rental car so I'll pay the $270 on the CC.
I had left overs for lunch and was sitting at the table and I notice my mom was banging things. I think she wanted a response but I continued to eat my lunch while reading my book. Next she went into her room and closed the door, something she never does.
The funny thing is I was going to wait to eat but realized it takes more energy for me to change certain things than just going about my daily routine, while realizing that it must be killing her to go out of her way to do things out of spite. For example, hiding food, closing her room door-something she never does, calling all over town for someone to call my brother to tell him to call her( she doesn't have long distance so she usually use my cell phone). I'm just thinking once I just went back to my day-to-day it was easier for me to cope with her words.
After the fiasco with my mom, we went ahead and went to Alabama which turned out to be a great trip. We toured the capital, the Freedom Rider Museum, The White House of Confederacy, Selma which was the historic march from Selma to Montgomery, the March to Vote, we also toured Dr. King's church and home as well as many other historical sites.
We got back home I had to go back and forth with the rental car because I was promised 15% off and did not receive, I finally got my 15%
My mother is still my mother, she had the nerve to hide food from me the other day. I can't believe that but oh well. She didn't even say happy birthday. But I think she was a little shock to see me with some moving boxes.
I spoke with my sister who also acknowledged that my mother is a hurtful person and she explained that my mother is angry over a marriage (divorce from my dad) which was not a healthy one. Which I pretty much concluded myself but to hear some of the hurtful things she said to my sister, I must admit; unfortunately, made me feel a lot better. I guess to hear from some one who is almost 20 years older than me go through what I went through and feel the same way helped me to realize a few things. 1. It's okay not to feel any love for a woman you're suppose to call mom 2. Your mom is a hateful and angry person 3. She has always been this way 4. It's not my fault
On a different note, I found a place which is owned by a friend for $950 a month. It's the cheapest I found and is very clean. So I'll be moving in on March 1. This is perfect, it gives me a little time to earn som extra cash at work. No matter how I cut it, I can't afford any place by myself unless I get a second job which I plan on doing.
I politely reminded the BF that he owes me $200 for the rental car, I am not footing the bill on that. So he said he'll give it to me. If I don't have it by Wednesday, I will remind him again.
I received my $10 rebate check from Macy's thank goodness. Now I'm waiting on the following:
-$200 Gift card BCBS
-$75 Aflac Cancer policy ( I don't have cancer thank God but when ever I do the healthy screening I get $)
-$60 Aflac Dental
The checks from Eflex and Aflac will cover our trip hotel room, the good thing is I didn't pay any money out to get this extra money
Okay I looked at some apartments and rent is not cheap. Apartments ranged from $895 to $1100, not including any utilities. The apartment that I really like is a 2/2 for $1190. This will be ready 2/8. BF will be living with me so this will help with the rent, he'll pay $850, I'll pay the difference and the utilities which equals out to what I pay living at home, give or take the extra $250 in rent. But my electric should go down by $100 (mom needs a new a/c unit and she refuse to buy one so I'm stuck with the $200 a month light bill) and the water should go down by $20 plus I think I will save on my cable.
So after the bf gets home tonight we will look over the numbers and decide who will pay what.
It's funny because right now I'm sitting in my car dreading to go inside, I hate coming home.
I notice that my mom placed the electric bill on the counter, but I'm not paying it, I have to move and I'll let her know that the bill came and she will have to pay the light and the water since I am preparing to move. I'm not trying to be spiteful but I really can't afford to drop $100+ on an electric bill right now.
I cannot wait to get out of this place. I must admit I'm scared but I scared before and God made a way for me to live on my own for about 6 years so I know we can do it
Well I'm back home from my mini vacation which on one end of the spectrum was wonderful because I wasn't home but on the other end horrible because I replayed my Mother's words over and over in my head.
When I told one of my BF what she had said she starting crying. I've read some material which said that most people who make hurtful comments are angry/hurt themselves which I pretty much figured myself about my mother. I realized that she is so consumed with my dad's unhappiness and hers that she makes everyone else unhappy. Every morning and night I hear her say "M you're going to suffer" referring to my dad. Once I was up about 2 a.m. and she was talking in her asleep saying "M y you're going to suffer" once I asked why do you say that every day and she never responded. Mind you my parents have been divorced now for 30+ years and since I can remember she has been consumed with him, asking questions and no matter what the conversation was it always ends up back to my dad. I believe she really did not want a divorce but she claims it was the best thing that ever happened.
I think I'm going to seek some counseling to help me deal with the rejection. Today I'm going to look at a place, I also have a call into one of my friends who was planning on renting her place so we will see
Okay this is going to be a very long post, which has nothing to do with finances. In addition, I'm crying and using my phone to type, so I'm sure there will be grammatical errors by the boat load.
So here we go, last week my mon and I had a few words. I woke up and she was yelling about why did I leave my clothes in the washing machine. So I said to her I was going to rewash them. Her response is I do it all the time. Grant it we both has a tendency to leave clothes in the wash. So I said to her why didn't you just take them out (I do when she does it). Long story short I take my clothes out get dress and go to work.
Well upon my return she didn't say anything to me and I didn't say anything to her. Now fast forward 4 days. I wake up this morning as you all know I am going out of town for my bday. My bf comes we load the car and I go to tell her we were leaving. I call her name no response, call again still no response so I go into her room and she is in the shower so I pop my head in. And say "Ma we're leaving" her response "As long as you live don't say anything to me and get the fuck out of my house when you get back!" All i can say is okay. Really? Who tells their child that and why? To be honest I can say my childhood wasn't the best and I have realized today that I really don't love my mother nor do I think I ever felt love by her maybe that's why I have had really bad reelationships, maybe that's why I live above my needs trying to feel love. I must say thank God for my bf because I feel like jumping off a bridge right now. I'm absolutely tired. Ye es I've been getting back on track but I do not have anywhere seto go. And even if I did, I will deplete my savings moving and I wouldn't even be to buy food or gas for my car. I just don't know what to do
Friday night I was drained , I hit Wal*Mart up for a few personal items, came home and crashed. Yesterday, I went to the dentist spent $100, which I will get back from my FSA, got 1 set motor mounts installed ($25.00), cleaned my pool, and then date night with th BF to the Improv, which was a disaster.
Regarding the Improv, I personally did not want to go but I must admit that it was a nice outing at first . There were three couples, usually when I go out with other couples the bill is split amongst the couples. Well the bill came and I made the comment to my BF to simply split the bill, long story short he was upset because the bill was $191 and he paid $80 which was more than the three way split. But what frustrated me was he was trying to blame me. Huh? First of all I did not want to go. Second of all if you didn't want to split the bill you ask for a seperate bill, secondly if you had split it three ways it would have been $63 or you could have simply paid for us which came to about $50 with tip. If you can't open your mouth then I feel like you wanted to spend the $80. His reasoning for spending the $80, well his cousin gave $80 so he did which left the couple who ate the most with a $31 bill and if I'm not mistaken their bill was about $80+
Moving a long, just needed to vent. Today I went to spin class which was awesome! I bought a gel seat for the bike and felt so much better, I cleaned my room which was a must, washed and colored my hair ($35 saved) and now I'm getting ready to fill my car up and vacuum the inside. That will be it for me.
Wednesday we leave for our trip to Alabama and I made it clear I'll pay for the room, BF will pay for the rental car.
Okay I made breakfast and lunch so I am adding $4 to my challenge/cc. I owe about $257 on this cc and can't wait to pay it off. It's like a little bug flying around while I'm trying to relax. Ughh I wish I had $257 I'd knock it right on out
My mom's friend may not be with us soon. She went into the hospital and had heart surgery, she's extremely over weight. Long story short, she was re admitted and suffered bleeding on the brain, we think she may have had a stroke. Now the family has to make a decision on pulling the plug, I pray I never have to make that decision.