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SO Update

September 15th, 2019 at 01:09 am

Yesterday SO came by to put the grill together and I also think, he just needed peace. I’m okay with that. He’s come to terms that we will not be getting together, he mentions going home, where before he’d say my place was his home. He also doesn’t try to kiss me goodbye. We just chat.

I’m glad we separated for his sake. A few things 1) he realizes that his mom is dysfunctional, he’s actually said this 2) he realizes that the sister lies to him 3) he realizes that the daughter is extremely lazy and the neice well that’s a different story.

He’d expressed his frustration that he had to shell out all this money (mom not paying bills) and that he couldn’t afford a haircut but yet the mom had the money to go to a salon 💇🏽 for a hair appointment.

I told him, if it was me, I’d get a list of household bills that’s due every month. Secondly, I’d either give the neice (she lives with the grandmother, his mother) a few bills or charge rent. Then I’d send every client a letter, letting them know that all checks should be written to my business and open a PO Box to have the mail sent (the mother opens his mail, and cash his checks). Then I’d get with the accountant to set up payroll and mom would get $50 a week for spending. The daughter with the baby would get a damn job. He says he’s moving things along but who knows he’s so afraid of hurting the mom’s feelings it’s ridiculous. I do think he’s going to blow a head gasket though I’m afraid the stress of things may give him a heart attack or a stroke.

One thing I was surprised to hear is that he’s finally trying to take care of the child support mess. He’s been paying support to the ex wife for um 10 years, for kids he had custody of. Don’t ask me why. He couldn’t afford to hire an attorney so he’s been doing everything on his own. I’m praying it works out for him, that should free up a ton of money for him. I honestly think he just couldn’t afford an attorney (mom doesn’t pay him) and had been putting things off. With the move he realizes this is money wasted. Well I think he already knew but the move put a fire under him.

I’m definitely praying for him. He’s a nice guy, too nice

Sinking Funds and Other Stuff

September 10th, 2019 at 01:55 am

So apparently SO mother had allowed the insurances on the vehicles to lapse since May, so he’s been driving around with no insurance since May (personal and commercial vehicles). Her license had been suspended since July, so she’s been driving with no insurance and a suspended license, with the grandson in the car. WTF!

If this is not a wake up call for him to takeover the business and everything else then I don’t know what is. Actually I do know, I’m so glad I’m not apart of that dysfunction. I’m not sure WTF he won’t put his foot down with this woman. But hey

In financial news, I checked the sinking fund for the car, and realized that I’m close to $1,000, just about $400 away. Initially the account was set up for car repairs, and insurance. But I pay my insurance monthly, and knock on wood there hasn’t been any repairs needed.

I need an oil change and normally I’d use this account, but since I have more than enough in my cash envelopes ✉️ I’ll use the money from there.

Seeing this account grow, has made me feel really good. One, because in the past, I’ve always used a CC to repair the car and now there’s cash. And two, I realize I can actually save cash for a new to me car. As you all know, my Camry has about 255k miles on it. She runs great! But I know it’s just a matter of time. My goal now is to save about $5-8k for my next Camry.

Next, I splurged on household items and took the money from home repairs, this sucks but now I’m back on track. I need to know that this account is not for home decor but repairs. I was going to get the accordions for the window, but will wait until hurricane season is over. I have the plywood and right now rates are sure to be higher. I’ll still get the quotes so that I know where I stand, and can save for them.

I must say, I have a sinking fund for everything, but I love it! I love the idea of saving just a little to have a lot later and paying cash 💰 for things. Patience surely is a virtue

As the SO Turns

September 7th, 2019 at 12:46 am

I’d mentioned that the SO would lose it by February of 2020, one my prayer partners said October. Well it looks like I was or could be wrong.

Yesterday he stopped by to drop something off and to let me know he’d be here Saturday to take the plywood down. He’d mentioned he had a rough day. I asked what happened and he responded, “you’re going to say I told you so.” I immediately knew it was the mother. Long story short, he’s been riding around with no insurance on any of the vehicles, including the company vehicles 🤦🏽‍♀️🙄. The mother had allowed the insurance to lapse, and basically the company they were with told him/them no thanks but we don’t want your business. Honestly I didn’t even feel bad, all I could think about was, thank God you don’t live with me, where I would have had to deal with this foolishness.

He mentioned that he went off on her, told her this was why we broke up, because he couldn’t be a man in his house and be responsible, that he’s always late paying bills. She then asked him, why he didn’t tell her, he said he responded that he shouldn’t have to. This also let me know, she hadn’t paid him once again.

Anyway he said she started crying, and he told her to stop 🤬 crying. I knew he was ticked, because when ever she cries, or says she can’t deal with it, he has the tendency to stop talking, walk away and leave. She manipulates him, but yesterday he just didn’t want to hear it. I was quite surprised with his response to her crying, actually I’m still shock that he even told her to shut the you know what up.

He told me he told her he wants everything, control of the business and all bills in the home. He said he also told her, that she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say, but he believe that her stroke (last week) happened for a reason.

Anyway, though, I’m confident I don’t want that mess in my life, I couldn’t help but feel like a proud mother of the son who finally stood up to the bully. The woman is mentally unstable I think, but then again, she has a way of manipulating him, so she must not be too crazy. I’m curious to see if he really takes control of everything.

Just another episode of “As the SO Turns”

In financial news, I managed to sock away some savings yesterday, I’m happy about that. I also only spent $5.85 yesterday on a broom and salt 🧂. I found out that salt keeps the frogs 🐸 off my patio. I can’t wait for the fall, so that I can sit out there, with some music 🎶 and wine 🍷.

Saturday, the only thing on my agenda is removing the plywood and a football game. I had bought season tickets to my alma mater home games, it was $10 a ticket so $60 for six. Not bad, it gives me something fun to do at a reasonable cost. I don’t want to be so tight with things that I miss opportunities.

Now that I’m single, I want to do things that I’ve put off, I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous about going to an event by myself, but at the same time I look forward to it. Next week, the company that I work for has its fund raising kickoff, and then the following week I’ll be attending a free, HR happy hour.

Lastly, my birthday is coming in January, I may have over budget my sinking fund for Christmas (no buying gift for SO), I’m thinking with the left money 💰 I can book a three day cruise 🚢 for my birthday. Or pay down debt 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️. I’ll see.

Pay Day

August 24th, 2019 at 06:03 am

Hadn’t heard from SO in a few days and then last night he popped up. Said he needed a break. He pretty much told me that his mother, daughter and the baby was driving him nuts. I personally don’t think he was telling me to say, I want to come back, but more of I have got to get myself together. I simply listened. He did mention that he considered getting himself a hotel room, I told him I thought that l he should, and to disconnect. No phone, no tv, just journal about where he’s at, where he’d like to be and what does he need to do to get there? I told him I thought it would be great idea so that he debrief, detox his mind, give himself a much needed break.

In financial news, this is the first month (September) that I won’t have the extra $600 from the SO. Yesterday was payday, so I buckled down, revisited my budget and made a few adjustments. Here we go
1. Tithe was paid, there’s no option to do anything different
2. Mortgage was paid, this month, I did not send the extra $25. Until I can reduce other expenses (CC10 and student loans) no extra on the mortgage
3. All bills from yesterday to the next pay date we’re paid, this is phone, CC10, student loan, electric, mortgage and water
4. Added to my rollover IRA, this is also not an option to stop. I’m behind on the eight ball 🎱 so every little bit helps
5. Bumped the savings accounts as well
6. Cashed out $5 from Receipt Hog


August 20th, 2019 at 07:12 pm

Today was a pretty good day. I got to visit with my aunt, who is here for a week staying at another aunt’s home.

When I got home tonight, I tackled the spare bathroom. SO, left that shower 🚿 curtain a mess, and the tub 🛁 needed to be cleaned 🧼 .

I tell you what, it’s the best feeling coming home to a clean house. I did go over budget, using my fun money, to buy things for the house, but I’m glad I did. Not to mention all was paid for with cash. Everything looks and feels amazing.

I thought I was going to miss the SO, but I tell you, I’m so loving living by myself. Not coming home and cleaning while someone else sits on the couch 🛋 feels great, no more dirty dishes 🍽 in the sink, no more moving that filthy work bag from my clean chairs, no more placing a wet glass without a coaster on my nice table, or walking onto the patio with a crap load of stuff everywhere, feels great. It really does feels wonderful. The way that I like things are the way that they are. I just want to scream with joy.

I’m so thankful to God, for preparing me for this day, allowing me to pay off debt, and not be filled with grief or guilt.

I’m just HAPPY 😃

Family Debacle

August 11th, 2019 at 04:50 am

What a day yesterday was.

I really hate when people waste my time.

First, I had a 6 am hair cut appointment, then I stopped at Walmart. Picked up a few things that I need to take back.

Next I was to attend a brunch/lunch 10 am for my cousin . Got there, well the host or family wasn’t there. No one showed up until close to 12 and the food arrived close to one. I love my family but this was absolutely ridiculous.

Then the lady who was suppose to look at my sewing machine, gave me the wrong time and was not available.

Lastly, I’d stopped by Joann fabric looking for a screwdriver for my machine, was told they didn’t carry it. Well I went back to look and there it was, a ton of them. Well I bought it, told the rep who was helping me where I had found them . But guess what? I can’t use on my machine, it’s too small 🤦🏽‍♀️🙄

I was so annoyed I really wanted to finish my pillows yesterday.

SO called, honestly I think he’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I just listened. I personally think he needed a friend without judgement, he hasn’t asked to move back or a second chance, so I listened and shared my advice.

1. The daughter with the baby called, while he was a few hours a way at a funeral. Her employer ask that she come in and she needed a sitter. He told her she couldn’t go. It’s obvious she doesn’t understand the severity and what’s needed to raise a child. I made a recommendation for a free first time mother seminar and I’ll do it again.
2. The mother has drove him nuts. He’s so disgusted with her, I can’t even share here what she did. I told him to get her counseling
3. He told me he told his mother he will be getting his own place. I think he will and this would be the best thing for him.
4. I personally think it was good he went home so that he could finally see how dysfunctional things were/are

Significant Other

August 9th, 2019 at 03:25 pm

So the SO called me, I feel bad for him but I’m not giving into that madness. I’m so relieved he’s gone, I can scream.

Well anyway, he and his mother was leaving today at noon to attend a family member’s funeral tomorrow. The trip is three hours. Well he booked a room for the two of them yesterday. Apparently when it came time to leave the mother was no where to be found, she decided to go to the salon. Then she mentioned to him she didn’t want to leave until tomorrow. He’s fuming because the hotel room is non-refundable. So he booked a room for both of them. I told him before he finished, you know what you need to do. Me personally I’d leave her. She’d pay me for the room I booked for her.

Well long story short, I guess he went off on her and called the sister and told her to pick the mother up on her way out tomorrow. I was just shocked he told the mother off and is actually leaving her. I still won’t believe it until I see it, but the best thing both of them need is for him to leave her

I am really starting to believe that something is wrong with the mother.

So they made it, and he’s furious. I think he’s going to snap on her.

Thursday Ramblings

August 8th, 2019 at 09:32 pm

For the last few days I’ve pressure cleaned 🧹 my patio getting it ready for painting. I’m so glad I did this myself, this would have cost me $100 at least to do. It’s a process and I wish I was finished, but when the SO was here, I didn’t want to do a thing and let it go. I know once I’m done I’m going to be happy. Next weekend I’ll paint.

I also did a little research and found that I can change the face of my cabinets, that will be thousands of dollars saved. I’m opening a sinking fund for this project. I only have two sections of the cabinets that would need to be painted. I’m excited because I know soon my home will feel like a home 🏡 .

Though I don’t have the money to change out the floors, I decided to make throw pillows that will match, but two matching lamps, and get an area rug. Oh and paint one wall

The last thing on the list is my bedroom, I definitely need a new set, but no one goes in my room so I’ll make do.

All these projects will take time, one because it’s not a priority, my debt is; two I’ll be cash flowing so I’ll be saving for it, and three no rush.

I texted the SO to see when he planned on picking up the rest of his crap, and didn’t get a response. That’s cool because I’ll pack it up and take it to his Mom’s if he doesn’t come and get it

Update, he called and said he’ll be by to pick up some more things tomorrow. I’m giving him until the end of the month to get all his crap. He also told me he’s getting his friend who is a painter to paint the fence and the patio. Well I’m clear, I have no money to pay anyone that’s why I’m doing it myself and this will not get you back in. So if you get some one to paint, that’s on you.


August 8th, 2019 at 02:21 am

I’m so loving my time at home by myself. Yesterday I ended up working late but coming home to a nice quiet house with no dishes 🍽 in the sink does something to me.

Not having to get home and cook dinner 🥘 after working all day, was awesome, for dinner it was a sub 🥪 for me.

I feel as though my stress level has decreased. I’ll admit I think about the SO, because I honestly feel bad for him, all I can do is pray for him. If he doesn’t get a handle on his life, finances and future, he’s going to find himself in a jam. He told a friend of mine, my prayer sister, that everything I told him was the truth, that he couldn’t argue with me, because it was nothing but the truth that I told him. He mentioned to her that he has taken on the role of his dad and that he knew he needed to talk to his mom, and have a tough conversation. I honestly don’t believe he will but like I said, he needs to do things for himself and not me. He’s going to find himself a homeless man in his retirement years screwing around with the mom and the kids, put the oxygen on yourself first.

In reference to money, things are trucking along. Ive managed to bump my savings, I still can’t help but be angry with the money I spent for legal fees but hey.

One thing I can say, is God bless sinking funds. I always tried saving everything in one account, but that doesn’t work for me. Saving for what I want has become a natural high for me. Christmas will be here soon and I have funds for Christmas. Lol I don’t have to run around, using credit cards.

The car fund is finally up (knock on wood) where if something happens, and it’s usually $500 I now have the cash to repair vs tapping into the EF. Hopefully, I can get this baby going to where I’m saving for a car vs the EF.

I’m also halfway there with funding my recertification for HR that’s due in January, and even with this, the job may reimburse me. It’s exciting times for me.

Family - my attorney notified me that the bank has been subpoenaed , we should know something that mid August.

I feel like things can only go up, I’m enjoying life right now and I know if it wasn’t for God and his amazing grace, I wouldn’t not be able to get through this mess.

I’m truly happy

He’s Gone!

August 5th, 2019 at 07:11 pm

So SO, is gone. He still have things here he needs to get but he’s gone.

I was working from home and at about 6:30 I noticed he wasn’t here. I’d decided to get my sewing 🧵 machine out to make some things. Then it was 8 o’clock and I notice he still wasn’t here. I was thinking, is he not coming back? Then he called, saying it feels strange he wasn’t here. Me, I’ll admit was a little nervous but didn’t give in, I’m just glad he’s gone.

Maybe, this will help him to get a handle on his life. 1) take over the business from his mother 2) help the daughter but let her know that it’s her role to assume the responsibility of the grand kid, her kid and 3) focus on himself and where he sees himself in the next few years. I’m wishing him the best, he’s a nice guy, but it’s no longer my problem to worry about what he should be doing.

Updated To Do List

August 4th, 2019 at 06:42 pm

Below were a list of things I needed to do today, I actually added three additional items

Today’s things to do
1. Balance checking/saving accounts🏦 ✅
2. Review last month’s spending ✅
3. Review this month’s spending
4. Update cash 💰 envelopes ✉️ ✅
5. Pressure clean patio ✅
6. Make throw pillows
7. Grocery shop
8. Wash two loads today ✅
9. Wash hair ✅
10. Clean bathroom ✅
11. Set up Ring Doorbell ✅

For the most part I got most things on the list done today. My spending for last month was terrible, my dining out and personal (hair care) was well over. This month, I’m watching this baby, I got lazy and need to get back to my personal finances and accountability .

While I was cleaning 🧹 the patio, SO came out and helped. I was able to replace (he bought the paneling) about 10 panels on the fence. I need to replace another 15, about $1.50 a panel, but it beats replacing the entire fence, plus it’s something I can do myself. The patio is definitely coming along. Next weekend I’ll do one more pressure cleaning before painting the following week. It’s perfect timing because we are going into the fall and I love to be outdoors.

I hope he didn’t think by helping that I’m changing my mind, this is something he should have done a long time ago.

I also bought a Ring video doorbell (with motion), they were $69 vs the normal $100 at Best Buy with a free Google dot. Since the SO is leaving, I wanted a camera for the house. This will come out of the home repair/upgrade funds.

I also sold an item on Poshmark, a dress, I made $7.05, this went to the EF account.

SO packed some things, I understand it’s going to take a few weeks to move everything but I’m not sure why he’s coming back tonight. He’d mention he was taking some things to his mom, and would be back. I didn’t say anything because I want this move to go smoothly but when he gets back, I’ll let him know I’m ready for bed and it’s time for him to go.

I’m Done

August 3rd, 2019 at 03:57 am

Well I did it! I told the SO to get out by the weekend. I realize that nice just don’t cut it. Yes he’s been paying his portion of the bills on time but I told him as soon as he was late that, that would be it. There is also a number of things that happened that I can’t let go.

1. Mother put my engagement ring on before he gave it to me
2. Three things that were of sentimental value to me from my dad, he never took care of and I know longer have
3. I’ve asked him to clean the porch and landscape two feet of yard (he’s a landscaper), well I landscape myself and he and his sister thought it was funny, then he had the nerve to tell me I was doing it wrong
4. Any thing that breaks around here, I’m responsible for repairing/replacing
5. His mother continues not to pay him, he’s raising his grandson. I’ve told him time and time again, you’ve got to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can help anyone else
6. Seven years later and he’s still paying child support for kid(s) he has full custody of
7. Twice we did not finish “marriage counseling” he procrastinates so we never did the home work.
8. Wrecked my car and I had to fix it
9. Helps with nothing around the house, I mean absolutely nothing
10. I host an event every year, in that no children are allowed. I told him, his daughter and his mother no babies. Well the mother told him she wasn’t coming if the grand baby couldn’t come. He told my BFF this. Well when I asked him, why was his grandson at the event, he lied to my face. Said his daughter really wanted to come, when it was the mother who said, she wasn’t coming if the baby couldn’t come. Basically I took that as screw you and your wishes, what my momma wants she gets. Remember she tried my ring on, and he was okay with it
11. August he was late with his bill money

That’s it in a nutshell. Though the extra money was helpful, my sanity is more important. Yes he’s a nice guy, would do anything for anyone else, but for some reason where he lays his head is just not that important to him, plus he’s still on the breast milk 🥛 (momma’s boy) and I’m done.

I tell