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Is it okay to dislike your mother?

April 3rd, 2016 at 08:27 pm

I've been on a little hiatus planning an up coming brunch for this coming Saturday.

When I was in 12th grade, day dreaming, a thought popped into my head that when I started doing a little better for myself that I would reward another woman the opportunity to continue her education. So I decided to have s brunch. Ticket sales would cover the brunch and scholarship.

So last year I decided to just do it and it's coming true Saturday. I broke even, didn't make any money out of it and I'm happy with that, I just wanted to give back.

Now here is the disappointing thing. As you all know my mom and I have had a very rough relationship. Needless to say I ask her to purchase a ticket and she agreed. I also asked her to ask her friends and she tells me know. At first I was upset and then that quickly turned to anger. Reason being, when her friends kids are selling anything she's happy and assist with the sale. However, when it's her own children she refuses. This occurred a few months ago.

Fast forward today I swing by because my sister is making a donation. My BF ask my mother if she's attending, her response is no. I figured that much. But what gets me and what was most hurtful was she turns to me and say, "why would you even want to do something like that?" I don't respond and my boy friend jumps in and says, oh it's a great thing, too bad other people aren't as giving. Why is/was it so hard for her to say congratulations, I'm happy for you, or hope everything goes well.

I can't understand for the life of me why this woman is always so negative, hurtful and non-supportive of her own children. I would have felt better if she had kept her mouth shut.

My sister told me today, that the photos that she had taken for our mother's 75th birthday, and mind you hiring a photographer isn't cheap, my mom gave her back the photos. I'm thinking, wouldn't you want those memories? She simply went into my sister's room and placed them in the bed.

The woman is so hateful and bitter. I pray that God allows me to forgive her, but for some reason and I'm sorry I can't stand the woman. As soon as I think, okay she's coming around she does something else. I try so hard to try and have a relationship with her but honestly it pains me, I'd rather not be bothered. The only thing is, I often think what if something happened to her, and I didn't try to build a better relationship.

She tells my BF she loves him, but never has said it to me, Christmas rolls around she buys others children gifts and not even a card for me. The last time she ever bought a Christmas gift for me I was in 6th grade. I'm 42 now.

I'm sorry I just needed share, please keep me in prayer.

7 Responses to “Is it okay to dislike your mother? ”

  1. Petunia 100 Says:

    You can love your mother because she is your mother while still not liking the person she is. And that's OK.

    If your mother is emotionally damaged, it is very unfortunate, but it is beyond your control.


  2. snafu Says:

    What a wonderful idea to host a brunch to support/create scholarship for a woman at university.

    I'm sorry your relationship with your mom is so painful. I sincerely hope you will seek professional help to teach you the tools best used to cope with your feelings. Carrying pain for so many years without resolution is too unpleasant to contemplate.

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    I hope your brunch went well! That is a wonderful thing to pass forward. You are a beautiful person!!!

    snafu, does have a good point about getting some professional help. You have pain. And likely your mother does too in some way. I think the best gift you can give yourself is to manage and heal the pain. Your mother is who she is. Expecting her to be someone else is only going to be disappointing and more hurtful.

  4. monkeymama Says:

    Congrats on the brunch! It sounds amazing!

    Yes, it is okay to dislike your mother. I suppose it depends on the situation, but it sounds like you would be better off moving on versus trying to make it work with your mother. I would think you would have more regrets spending time and energy trying to make it work if it is never going to work.

    My dad had a vile mother. I have never heard anyone say one nice thing about my grandmother. As an adult he chose not to have a relationship with her, but that was probably helped along with moving thousands of miles away. She absolutely never reached out. She is long gone and it is what it is. The best thing my dad ever did was just let go of that relationship. & I mean, it's not that he never saw her or talked again, but just kept her very much at arm's length. I am sure somewhere deep down it still hurts, but at 18 my dad moved on with much better and healthier relationships. & the rest of his family is amazing, so he did have the example of positive relationships. (The rest of the family are kind of, "Where on Earth did she come from?" and we do think there is probably undiagnosed mental illness at play. My mom has a sister who is very similar and we have long suspected she is mentally ill on some level. Her kids and family have nothing to do with her either).

  5. pjmama Says:

    I'll go ahead and echo everyone else's comments on the brunch - that really is such a wonderful thing to do!

    I definitely struggle with my relationship with my mother as well. I wish I had some helpful piece of advice to give, but I'm actually in the middle of a really rough patch. All I can say is that it is definitely okay to not like her. Mothers are human beings with their own choices, and there's nothing that says we have to enjoy the people they are. I hope you are able to improve your relationship with her - if for no other reason than it causes us daughters a lot of pain and guilt in an unhealthy relationship like that. But in the end, only you know what is best for you and your own life.

    Just don't let her negativity muddy your pride for the amazing things you're doing. Because they're worth support!

  6. Buendia Says:

    I wanted to say... I understand! My mother isn't that bad, but I still find it really difficult being with her. We used to have a completely terrible relationship, but when I gave her a granddaughter, she decided she liked me better. Only she shows very little interest in actually being with my daughter when we see her. She likes to talk to her on the phone, but only for a minute or two. She talks only about what she wants to talk about and doesn't listen to my daughter at all. My daughter is 10 and started noticing this year; she gets pretty upset with Grandma.

    I figure I just have one mother and even though she's... um, odd... I guess I'm stuck with her. I live in a different part of the country (that helps) and I take everything she says/does with a grain of salt. I don't expect a lot. My brother feels the same way (he used to be adored, but he doesn't have children, and my mom is pretty upset that he's not married; the way she talks about him to me is pretty horrible).

  7. frugaltexan75 Says:

    I love my mom, but there are many times I don't like her actions or her behavior. One of the best things for our relationship has been me moving far away. About two days together is the extent of it before we start getting on each others nerves.

    No, I don't think there's anything wrong with not liking your mom.

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