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Losing Battle

November 25th, 2017 at 04:09 am

Fiancé insisted on purchasing new ornaments for the Christmas tree🎄. I'll admit I was excited and did not stay strong. I personally did not contribute to this purchase but I didn't stop it either. I feel so bad. Once he wakes up I'm going to ask him to take these items back, it's about $22 worth of tree decorations. I'll ask him to put the amount spent towards his baby step 1. We can always purchase after Christmas for much less. As Dave says, never pay full price.

The plan was to go to Home Depot, he needed something for his business. Then head to Wal*Mart to pick up lights for the tree. Wal*Mart had them for less than $3 while Home Depot was selling for $5.

While in Wal*Mart I saw the PJs I always get for the boys, that was $4.95 each. I had $14 and some change left in my gift envelope so I picked three up for my great nephews. Not bad Christmas gifts 🎁 . I also saw pogo stick for $15 and I thought these would be cool gifts but I didn't have any more money so I left them. The envelope system works.

While at the checkout I couldn't help but feel bad, I cashed out my items, while he rang up his. I was thinking this is wasteful spending. We have Christmas decorations already, why are we buying more? Just to change the theme, ridiculous.

I remembered the conversation we had just before we left as I stood in line. I had reminded him that he still owes me $200 on the CC2. He asked for what and I him it was for the hurricane supplies we bought. I can tell he was frustrated, he says "Oh yes, I remember let me get somethings taken care of, I have a lot on my plate." It hit me while we were checking out, spending money while we're both down is something that has to STOP 🛑. Both of us cannot be spenders, impulses buyers or those who use buying as a tool to "cover up" how we are feeling, it only adds to the problem. His problems is the past due bills and his mother not paying him.

Once we got home I put the items by the door as a reminder to take them back. I sat down at the table to add my $14.25 spent to my gift register, according to my register I should have $.05 left and that is what was in the envelope. However, when I checked my spread sheet I had over spent on gifts this budget period by $5. I can't figure out how. Looking at the tally in the spread sheet column for gifts, it looks right. Either way, if that is the case, I'm taking one of the PJs bought for next year for the fiancé back, and that $5 will go towards my snowball. Not sure how I went over or why the register not the spread sheet matches. Oh wait, I had money left from the previous month. Okay make sense now lol

Edited to add the conversation.
So he's up and I say I'd like to talk now about what we did last night. He's like what. I say, I think the money we spent last night should go towards his baby step 1. He shuts down and says, we'll talk about it later. This is a losing battle. His rationale is that I have a job today and I'll make $1300 that would be my baby step 1. I'm trying to get him to see the bigger picture. If you put $25 towards baby step 1 you only have $975 to go, right now you have $1,000 to go. Isn't it easier to come up with $975 than $1,000. He says I don't think like him, 🤦🏾‍♀️

I asked him if he wanted breakfast and he wanted to know if it was in my budget. Really? I'm officially done.

Second update to this post. I was so mad that I paid CC2 offthis morning. The thought of my checking account dropping below $900 dollars scares me but I did it. On to number three.

10 Responses to “Losing Battle ”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Congratulations on paying off CC2!! You are much farther along mentally on this financial journey than your finance. You are mad enough to make changes. He is not.

    We put up the exact same decorations every year. I buy the girls a new ornament each year, spent only $5 for both this year. I did need to buy new lights as some of ours were burnt out this year. I have never understood buying new each year?! A waste monetarily and environmentally.

  2. Carol Says:

    I was also surprised by buying new decorations. I enjoy putting up the old ones and being sentimental about them. (and, really, they are special only to us.)
    Way to go on getting credit card 2 paid off.

  3. DW Says:

    Ok, when I first started reading the post, I thought no more comments, there’s no use.
    Then I continued and read the rest. You get it! I’m with you, how can someone owe you $200 and by Christmas lights and other stuff?
    Again you get it! I don’t know what is expected from the sale of your father’s home. It could pay off everything or not. It doesn’t matter because a big part of getting out of debt is changing your spending habits. As for CC2, 🤗!
    Let the fear of a $900 checking balance propel your to greater financial victories!

  4. Amber Says:

    DW I understand your frustration, I'm dealing with the same thing with my SO. Though it may appear as though I'm not listening, I am. Every day is one step at a time and I appreciate the feedback, whether good or bad that everyone shares with me. I'm just hoping that it's the same with the fiancé. Maybe he is listening
    As far as the house, any money I get will go towards my debt.

  5. Out of the Dark Says:

    Amber...as you understand but your fiance does not seem to currently (no disrespect intended), personal financial management is a pattern of emotion, planning, thought and reaction. It's not sustainable if it's a knee jerk reaction to an issue or emergency. It's not something that you do for a while and then revert to old, inefficient money management traits. Could I pull money from my retirement or savings and pay off my mortgage? Yes! Could I use the same and buy a new car? Yes! Would new dishes, silverware, sneakers or Christmas decorations be a very small expense that might bring instant gratification? Yes!

    But I'll tell you, I truly enjoy my focus to look for loose change or returning water bottles for the deposit refund or depositing small cash reward checks from my credit card every few weeks! I like the idea of sending in $40.00 towards the principal on my mortgage, chipping away at it like David versus Goliath!

    I may have suggested before but feel the need to restate in more detail the following: I have no doubt you love your fiance and he loves you. Unto itself, love is a blessed gift! Some suggest love sustains all things. I subscribe to the idea of that statement, however, as a human being, there is a lot of noise in our world and our lives that disrupt that which our Father has asked of us.

    Desired change comes with hard work. It starts with owning the thing that needs to be changed and accepting that the road will be long. It will take emotion, planning, thought and reaction. There will be fumbles. There will be falls. There will be times when self doubt and a reversion to what is "easy" will win out! But through it all, we who embrace change and see the greater good in it "endeavor to persevere"

    Sadly, many of us run from our admitted need to change. When this happens, we become superficial at times. By this, I mean we tend to look past the small things that ultimately mean so much to the bigger things. We search for that instant gratification to mask the pain or disappointment or self doubt. We search for things that help us hide from the specific things in our lives that seem insurmountable. Unfortunately, Amber, rarely do we summon the strength to or courage or focus to conquer these "demons".

    Your fiance, no doubt, is a good hearted, loving, compassionate man. There are many, many great qualities that make him, him! Through it all, you want to see yourself growing old with him based on these qualities. However, as sad as it may be, family finances are a massive part of any relationship! Debt to income ratio's. Budgeting. Circling the family wagon and shutting out any/all drains on the families fiscal stability. Enjoying what you have worked for (like those old Christmas decorations) and turning from the instant gratification brought on by the new.

    I think it's time to ask yourself some questions: Is fiance committed to walking this path with me? Will he take himself, me and us seriously enough to stay focused on the path? Will he be willing to sacrifice all others needs, wants and desires, no matter what the fallout or personal pain those sacrifices bring for himself, me and us? Will be be able to settle for those old Christmas decorations that bring out some of the most non-superficial memories possible (I haven't purchased new decorations in almost seven years. My old, beat up, tattered ones that were either made by one of the kids or given to us by family or friends are irreplaceable)? Finally, what will be lacking in our relationship that fiance feels the need to fill with spending?

    Advise: Ask him these questions. As yourself these questions. Circle your own wagons. Pray for the best and prepare for the worse. Continue to align your dreams and goals with today's non-superficial actions mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. Look outside of the grandeur of the relationship, 10, 20, 30 years from now. What do you see?

    Finally, talk with him again. Tell him what you saw? Ask him those questions, and others only you would know to ask. Then make a decision. Is this path right for you, him and you both or is it not? Prayers to you and fiance!

  6. DW Says:

    Out of the Dark, Beautifully written!

  7. Amber Says:

    Thanks Out of the Dark, will do 😀

  8. crazyliblady Says:

    Whatever you decide to do with the relationship with your SO, take care of you first.

  9. rob62521 Says:

    Well said, Out of the Dark!

    Congrats on getting that credit card paid off.

    When I was growing up, we were poor. Not so hard scrabble that we went hungry, but there were a lot of things I didn't get and didn't get to do because there simply wasn't the money to do them. I kept thinking if I got a job and make more money, I will be happier. I equated happiness with owning things. I guess I sort of was raised that way...it always a big dream of when we can afford this and when we can afford that. And when I did make more money, I did start buying more stuff. Then I guess I saw the light. It wasn't things that made me happy. Contentment truly comes from being satisfied and finding joy in what you have and appreciating what you have. I think you are on the road to this, but your fiancé is not. If he isn't even willing to get on board, I cannot see how this relationship is going to be sustained. I'm also wondering if perhaps living together isn't such a good thing since he isn't accepting of what you are trying to do.

    You mentioned getting stuff after Christmas. And I totally agree, but believe it or not, I have been finding amazing things at thrift stores. A couple of them have year round Christmas rooms. I have bought these ceramic mini loaf pans for less than a $1 and they still have tags on them. I bake sweet breads and give them away for Christmas. Most of the people I give presents to are like me --- they really don't need another ornament or some knick knack. But a loaf of banana bread in a reusable pan, now that's an appreciated gift.

    It is scary how many ornaments are in thrift stores that were wanted to badly and now have been donated. I know we donated a bunch a couple of years ago ourselves. There was nothing wrong with them. We had too many and why store them?

  10. Amber Says:

    Thanks for sharing Rob, it reminded me of a time when I use to buy things out of thrift stores, before I knew anything about being thrifty. I actually forgot about how much fun I use to have finding great deals. Right now, we don't need anything, other than getting rid of debt. I think I'm finally starting to be content with what I actually have

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