Well I was given a directive to do something illegal, I told my CEO to put it in writing to me. Now she’s nervous and complaining that I asked for it in writing. Personally I don’t even think she understood what she was asking.

Honestly I think everyone’s anxiety level from this virus is on high alert; but as I mentioned in the past and will continue to do so, we need to stop, take a break, think things through, and then make a decision. Those people who were hired to do a job should be allowed to do so, otherwise we are going to find ourselves in a mess.

It’s the lack of structure, that is driving me crazy. I’m trying to hold on, but at times I feel like my peace/sanity is more important. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I love the flexibility I have and my team that I love; however, when I look at the opportunity cost in that I’m giving up, I ask, is it worth it? I just need prayer of peace.

I woke up, at 3:30am yesterday, I had a terrible dream, I dreamt that SO’s cousin was ordered to kill me. Went back to sleep and had another nightmare . I can’t wait to get back to some normalcy. This COVID-19 stuff has me mentally, emotionally and physically drained.

In financial news, last month I over spent in the food category, and really didn’t pay much attention to my budget. I’m going to get back on track this month. For my March money saving challenge, I saved $166. YTD I have about $350 saved in my challenge envelopes.

Regarding the house, I have a friend who is a realtor and accountant review the refi documents, he said everything was okay but recommended that I ask for removal and deduction of a few fees. He told me I could lock in the rate and still not move forward.

I asked the broker to reduce the fees and she, said no. I had an uneasy feeling so I followed my gut and told her I’m declining the refi. I did so for a number of reasons, 1) she wasn’t willing to negotiate on a $750 fee in that she could, 2) I felt rushed, it was always you need to get me this in one to two hours, with no time to review and ask questions, and 3) my guy kept saying no.
I don’t know, I just had an uneasy feeling, and I thought wait. It was like God, telling me to be still, so I decided to listen and be still. I hate being rushed to make decisions. I do believe by mid April early May the rates will drop again.

My word for the year is fearless. I felt scared to tell the broker I didn’t want to do it. Why? I don’t know, but I jumped out on faith and said, fear will not allow me to make decisions. I tell you I felt better.

Today was pay day, even with everything going on, I’m still thankful I have a job. I went ahead and paid my May mortgage, minimum on CC10, and the student loans, car insurance and cell phone are all autopay. I decided I will continue to pay as is, no extra payments and go into COVID-19 save mode.

We are laying off an additional 30-40 people, so the uncertainty of things have me pumping the breaks.

I have no idea if I’m getting a stimulus check or not but if I do, it will definitely go to CC10 because it’s not wages earned for me, this is truly extra cash.

I need to file my 2019 tax returns, I’m using TurboTax and it’s estimating about $600 in tax return. This will go into my savings since it’s wages earned that I gave the government 🙄🤦🏽‍♀️. I’m really trying to get this refund thing to about $0, where I break even.