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Financial Bullying

June 4th, 2022 at 11:14 pm

 

I found this new podcast and the first episode that I listened to was about financial bullying. I had no idea that, that was even a term or how to describe what I feel when I say no to others, or how others feels about my journey. 

 

The podcaster discussed how others try to make you feel a shame or guilty if you don’t do things a certain way (insert Dave Ramsey) or say no to activities. 

 

I immediately thought about the many times I said no to things because it wasn’t in my budget and friends would give me looks, roll their eyes, make comments. Listening to the podcast I also thought about  the many times I’ve been asked when was I going to do my kitchen, remodel etc? I always felt bad or ashamed. After listening to this podcast I actually got angry. People actually do this crap, rather than encouraging each other, we beat folks down was my thought. 

 

Fast forward to today. I was chatting with the ex and shared that our dentist had sold his practice and that he should have started the much needed dental work he needed,  especially since the dentist discounted cost drastically. His response was “well I don’t have money like you.” I was furious when he said this,  so I responded, “this is your health, rather than getting new seats ( re reupholstered) for your car, you should have gotten your teeth fix.” 

 

Well I soon realized we were both engaging in financially bullying. Me, making him feel bad that he hadn’t gotten his teeth taken care of  and taking advantage of the discounted cost, and him being upset that I’ve managed to save and am comfortable. 

 

What I’ve learned is that everyone’s journey is different, we are only responsible for ourselves, and this is okay. Next time he complains about money, my only response is, only you have the power to change your situation. 

 

Different news, I polished my nails and toes today, saving close to $50. Even though I’m not a nail salon person it’s still nice to know what I saved. I also paid $31.41 on my mortgage principal because I had odd balance and  I rounded down to the nearest 100. 

 

Went to Walmart for a few things, it was raining so I couldn’t walk. I used a gift card but ended up going to Publix and having to spend cash because the shelves at Walmart were empty. 

 

I also booked my day trip/excursion. I used the CC for points but will pay that off tonight. I’m such a nerd, I’ve calculated everything down to the souvenirs I want to buy, I searched online and got estimated costs, lol. I didn’t ask my family if they were interested. I’d previously shared the info, no one responded and I didn’t want to harass someone in spending money they don’t want to. 

 

The financial journey is all about behavior change, one thing I do agree with Ramsey on 

9 Responses to “Financial Bullying ”

  1. DW Says:
    1654389778

    I do believe that financial bullying exists. However, teeth are more important than upholstered seats. Whether it’s cosmetic fixes or problem teeth and gums, it needs to be taken care of. If he loses teeth, dentures or partials are expensive. If it’s a cosmetic issue, it could prevent a possible job opportunity because of unsightly teeth. Gum disease can lead to all types of other health issues.

  2. Amber Says:
    1654390851

    DW he has a ton of issues, gum disease is definitely one. I’m just going to leave it at only you know what works for you

  3. Lots of ideas Says:
    1654412035

    Amber, another good lesson from your podcast listening is to not let other people’s opinions make you feel ashamed about yourself.

    We all have our own tolerance for debt, for how much we weigh, for how messy our house is, for how healthy we eat, for how we spend our time, for who we let into our lives. And sometimes even for ourselves that varies over time.

    If someone wants to change something and asks for help, it’s great to give it, but when other people give feedback you didn’t ask for, you are free to accept or reject it, but unless you were deliberately trying to hurt them, I don.kt think you need to be ashamed.

    You have learned a lot about life as you’ve paid down debt!



  4. Turtle Lover Says:
    1654439580

    Every month I have my fun money / allowance. I can't help it ... I still call it allowance. I can do with it what I want ... no questions asked. So .... when somebody would ask me about doing something .... and it wasn't something that I wanted to do ... I would simply say... "that's not how I choose to spend my allowance" ... and let them think what they want. If you say "it's not in the budget" or "I can't afford it" ... people tend to feel sorry for you ... when it's really not like that at all.
    I do agree about financial bullying although I had never thought of it like that ... interesting thoughts though.

  5. crazyliblady Says:
    1654523822

    If a person gets bullied by "friends" because of choices they make about their finances, I would say try to be an example to them and maybe they will come around. If they are aggressive or nasty about it, perhaps the person needs new friends.

  6. CB in the City Says:
    1654527818

    Turtle Lover, I sometimes say, "I've already spent my allowance." That usually makes them chuckle, but they stop pressuring me.

    There is a systematic "financial bullying" in our culture, the root of which, companies want us to spend, spend, spend! For their benefit, of course. People buy into this unconsciously, and when they are confronted by a frugal person, like us, they think we are wrong. It's ignorance.

  7. My English Castle Says:
    1654548299

    What an interesting concept! I wonder if I'm guilty of that? I've certainly received some of it from various friends, especially about eating out other things that people think are essential to their budgets. This has made me think a lot. Thanks for sharing it, Amber.

  8. MonkeyMama Says:
    1654742858

    It is very cultural, as CB mentions. It was crazy when we moved to a new city (left our frugal circles) during the housing bubble. My takeaway (good or bad) was to just never talk about money at all. (At the time we were going through a period of $0-income maternity leave and living within our means. Talk about opposite extremes). With friends like these...

    But I can certainly see the human nature element of it. I don't think anyone ever meant anything by it. I just did not fit into their world view, which meant a negative/defensive reaction.

  9. LivingAlmostLarge Says:
    1654818667

    It is hard to not be negative about people different financial choices, but boy dental is health related/adjacent. It can cause problems.

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