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Am I insensitive?

January 23rd, 2016 at 07:20 pm

So we had a break in, 80% of my items were stolen and the BF is moping. Now I'm upset that the house was broken into but I'm also thankful that much more wasn't taken or damaged. It's like get over it.

My BF on the other hand has been in the dumps all night and day. He can't sleep, keeps walking up and down the street for the canister that the thief stole that belonged to his dad. I understand that the can belonged to his dad, but I'm just like really? The world is not going to stop now. It was a Heineken can, I'm just thankful that the jerk didn't damage the photos. I'm also thankful that no one was hurt during this break in. I really just want to order another one. The can itself is about $20, and yes I understand that it belonged to your dad, but good grief. I'm missing a $1500 bracelet plus two karat diamond earrings.

I'm sorry I know death is hard, we know it's unavoidable but his dad has been dead four years and we're still dealing with mourning. Next month it's his birthday and I'll have to tip toe around feelings all month.
I'm sorry

Posted in Family/Friends | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “Am I insensitive? ”

  1. creditcardfree Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 07:37 pm 1453577849
    1453577849

    Grief comes in waves. Yes, over a lifetime. So I would give him the space to have his feelings. Consider counseling. I would not mention the cost of his item as sentimental items have more value then cost of replacement.

  2. Househopeful Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 07:56 pm 1453579018
    1453579018

    Well, I think you are comparing apples and oranges. Monetary value of an item and emotional value are 2 very separate things. I totally get your view - that it sucks and you're out money, but it could be worse. However, I also get his view. That it 'was' worse.

    You mention the photos, which I can only assume have sentimental value to you and that is why you're glad they were not ruined. Is it possible that this can is his 'photos'? Theft, especially a break-in into your home, is very violating and maybe that is what he is reacting to?

    Not to be a contrary, but both your views are valid and I wouldn't say you're being a jerk, but that you probably need to acknowledge that his feelings are as valid as yours.

    Again, I hope that you don't find my comments abrasive and if you do, I completely apologize. I just hope you undertand I am coming from a genuine place of sympathy for you.

  3. Butterscotch Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 09:19 pm 1453583946
    1453583946

    You might be being a little insensitive. He isn't less of a victim because his items cost less. I have inexpensive things of my mothers that I would be devistated to lose.

    You lost some moderately expensive jewelry, but he is probably re-confronting the loss of his father again. Is 4 years really all that long? Have you lost a parent? I haven't so I don't have first hand experience with how long it might take to "get over it" for lack of a better term.

    I don't think you should replace the canister with a new one. Does he have anything else of his dad's or was that it? I feel sad for him. he might find it comforting if you just walk around the street with him, helping him lol. Even if you're not really looking, just be there with him.

  4. Butterscotch Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 09:19 pm 1453583981
    1453583981

    You might be being a little insensitive. He isn't less of a victim because his items cost less. I have inexpensive things of my mothers that I would be devistated to lose.

    You lost some moderately expensive jewelry, but he is probably re-confronting the loss of his father again. Is 4 years really all that long? Have you lost a parent? I haven't so I don't have first hand experience with how long it might take to "get over it" for lack of a better term.

    I don't think you should replace the canister with a new one. Does he have anything else of his dad's or was that it? I feel sad for him. he might find it comforting if you just walk around the street with him, helping him look. Even if you're not really looking, just be there with him.

  5. Amber Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 10:08 pm 1453586886
    1453586886

    Thanks everyone, I wasn't trying to add a dollar amount to the can. It's just that he has driven me crazy, and refuse counseling. For me we were raised that death is going to come and yes everyone grieves differently I just think that after four years he should be able to cope differently. The photos that I'm referencing is his dad's photos. They're all over the house, to the point when I finally had to say okay no more.

    I understand your point and will definitely try to do better and give him some space.

  6. ThriftoRama Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 10:14 pm 1453587282
    1453587282

    This might also be mixing in with his masculine feelings that he might not be able to keep you safe if you're home and someone breaks in again. Boys are weird that way.

  7. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 10:18 pm 1453587487
    1453587487

    My dad's been gone a little over 3 1/2 years, and my upcoming wedding is definitely bringing up the reality of him being gone. If someone were to break in to my home and steal my computer and my dad's watch, I'd be upset about the computer, but devastated about the watch. The watch has very little dollar value compared to the computer.

    I'm sorry your place got broken into. I remember when my car was broken into - they stole a lot of things. Some fairly valuable (like my car stereo/cd changer) and some only sentimentally valuable (box of cassette tapes, some mix-tapes by old boyfriends.)It sure doesn't feel good.

  8. Amber Says:
    January 23rd, 2016 at 11:51 pm 1453593098
    1453593098

    Aw I'm sorry FrugalTexas.

    I'm definitely taking all of you all's words and advice, 🙏🏾

  9. snafu Says:
    January 24th, 2016 at 04:06 am 1453608377
    1453608377

    We all manage grief differently. Sounds like DH had not processed his feelings about the loss of his father and the loss of the canister gives it a form of focus. I hope there is someone DH sees as a mentor who can persuade him to get counselling. If that's a no go, I suggest you see a counsellor to help you handle the situation in the best possible manner.

  10. Liz Says:
    January 24th, 2016 at 04:39 am 1453610365
    1453610365

    It's good that you acknowledged and came somewhere to ask. Now that you've revisited, I won't jump on board, but yes, I think a tad insensitive. My dad passed away 5 years ago, and I inherited this silly glass bowl, with "I Bet You Can't" on it. I had that with me for years (he gave it to me in my early 20s). It broke in my last move, and I mourned it for a month. I was the one who broke it so I couldn't even direct it elsewhere. Just one of those things!

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